If You Ever Feel Like MEXICAN in TAMPA BAY

Around these parts people go crazy at the mere mention of TacoBus, which is for some reason an institution in the Bay Area. It is not that I don't like the food of the place, it is just that when I go there it is so packed it takes 15 minutes to find a decent table and secondly, and more importantly, the Hillsborough Ave. location smells like piss. Still, people love the dive and don't mind munching on a giant burrito right next to a puddle of brown water.

Not long ago I was driving around with nothing to do when I stumbled upon TacoSon, the mexican joint pictured above. I stopped by and have been back weekly ever since. The plates are delicious, big and super cheap. The place is also air conditioned and doesn't smell like a letrine. Also, their selection of hot sauces is much better than that of Taco Bus. TacoSon is located a bit out of the way, but believe me...it is worth the gas in bean farts.

The place is located here:

7521 N. 56th St.

Tampa, FL 33617

Endorsement: JALAPEñOS

My favorite recipe involving jalapeños is simple:

Two slices of bread
Turkey (not the shit kind sold at Wal Mart)
Cheap American cheese (you can actually replace this with any other kind of cheese. I don't give  a fuck)
Mustard

Mayo

Knife
Plate

Place one slice on top of the plate, add turkey, then squirt some mustard and spread mayo with the knife, then add some cheese, and top it with about three whole jalapeños sliced thickly. Finally, add the other slice. Take big bites, and swallow really fast or if you are a pussy, the roof of your mouth will get scorched.

I know that's kind of a stupid recipe but it's my favorite sandwich. Tastes better than hot dogs and Kobe beef burgers that go for about $20.

Anyway, time to finish watching The Lincoln Lawyer with Matthew McConaghuey. Marisa Tomei is also in it, hope she shows her tits.

DEAF SPARROW ZINE Endorses INSANITY Hot Sauce

I would like to take a few seconds to endorse this amazing sauce. The first time I tried it, this criminal that my cousin was dating brought it to the house. I think he was trying to poison us or something. I, very macho like, poured like half a bottle onto my arroz con pollo and next thing I knew I was puking in the restroom.

Don't get me wrong, the sauce is delicious. Absolutely magnificent. Fanatics of extreme sensations will love Insanity. Lovers of spicy foods can extract all flavors of their chimichangas and intract (i don't think that's a word) the tastiest most powerful hot sauce this stomach can stomach. Pussies, stay the fuck away!

A few weeks ago I was spending a boring Sunday morning at some redneck-infested flea market when I ran into it. Literally, I hit my head against a rack displaying hot sauces from all corners of the world.  When I saw the bottle, the surreal orange sauce, the red pepper all cool chillin' in the sun, all those memories came back to me. My reddened face, the gag reflex, the clean water toilet turning green from the arroz con pollo, tears and hot sweat. The fucker at the flea market was selling it for $8. I obliged.

Just last week I was shopping at Wal-Mart. I don't usually frequent such places, but they just opened a store by the house and someone told me that their chorizo prices are unbeatable. The sign is different. It is green and it actually reads 'neighborhood market' like it is run a by a mustachoed dude out of his bedroom. The inside is the same; spacious aisles, expired bakery products, foreign fruits, and lots of fat people working unhappily. 

Anyway, while looking for a new flavor of Tabasco I found Insanity. The price? $3.50. I was pissed. The fucking redneck at the flea market ripped me off. Like Insanity was some sort of specialty. It is not. they sell it at Wal-Mart.

Now I eat Insanity every day. I add it to everything that is not sweet. Rice. Soup. Hot dogs. Jalapeños.  Steak. I even pour it on top of Tabasco sauce. Insanity makes all your foods taste better. If by better you mean no flavor but a scorching hot sensation, peeling the roof of your mouth and making your asshole bleed. But it is delicious.