SHITFUCKER - Album Coming Soon

Today, HELLS HEADBANGERS announces October 31st, that most unhallowed 'n' unholy of days, as the release date for SHITFUCKER's Suck Cocks in Hell debut album, on both CD and LP formats. One of the metal underground's best-kept secrets, Detroit scum-crew SHITFUCKER have finally delivered a full-length of filth after a prolific slew/spew of EPs and demos, under the fuck-off-tourists title of Suck Cocks in Hell. A power-trio in the grand tradition of early SODOM, VENOM, and MOTORHEAD, the three nuclear zombies of SHITFUCKER gnarl together ancient blackthrash and toxic hardcore-punk into a blown-out brew bubbling over with disease, degradation, and devil worship. Bow before apocalyptic witching metal of the highest order/odor: this is SHITFUCKER's Suck Cocks in Hell! Cover and tracklisting to be revealed shortly, but in the meantime, two of Suck Cocks in Hell's tracks can be previewed here: http://hellsheadbangers.bandcamp.com/album/suck-cocks-in-hell.

JEFF HANNEMAN was 49 Years Old

THE BEST OF METAL BLADE, Volume 2 (Metal Blade, 1987)

Just received my copy of The Best of Metal Blade, Volume 2, the vinyl edition from 1987. Which I ordered from Amazon last Wednesday and which I was expecting to arrive in much better shape. As the seller had listed it: Used - Very Good I was expecting barely noticeable wear but was shocked when I noticed how fucked up the jacket was. 

On the comments, the seller had noted that 'binding is frayed' which I do not recall reading when I made the purchase and which I must add, is an understatement. The binding is completely fucked up, sliced open and barely holds both sides together. The lettering in the spine is totally gone. Clearly, this is not the result of weathering but of an attack en masse of moths, termites or some other cardboard-loving parasite. When I opened the gatefold a sheet of dust covered it all. It was like one of those movies when the starring character discovers an ancient tome and blows on it just so that he can see what the title is. I am pretty sure this record has not been played in well over a decade.

The seller also added 'some slight wear on cover' which yeah, is quite accurate. What he failed to comment on was the state of the record sleeves. Both were ripped and yellow and in both instances the records were portruding at the bottom. The records play fine but both have light to heavy wear which the seller also failed to comment on. Oh well. These records and I go back in time and I guess I can't ask for gold when all I am paying is $17.

A couple of decades ago, my older brother was the proud owner of Volume 1, which included Celtic Frost, Bitch, Nasty Savage, Hirax, Pandemonium, Slayer, Omen, Fates Warning, Tyrant and several others and which was an absolute rarity in South America. As I kid I worshiped this compilation. Since my brother was much older and made good use of his dickish character  every chance he got I was not allowed to go anywhere near his vinyl collection. But I couldn't have given less of a fuck. Every time he'd go off to school or work I'd dive straight in, usually spinning Volume 1, or a few other personal favorites from his collection like Celtic Frost's Into the Pandemonium (which I now own after having stolen it from him sometime in the late 90's), Manilla Road's Open the Gates or Grim Reaper's Fear No Evil.

It was either in 1989 or in 1990 that a local record company issued a series of metal releases on cassette format. One of their releases was The Best of Metal Blade Volume 2. But in typical local fashion they managed to screw it up in every possible way. I bought the tape as soon as it hit the market. To say that it looked cheap would be to praise it. Instead of releasing two cassettes like the American version, only the first record was issued. If they had to pick one out of two for budgetary reasons it made sense, as the first record is where the most quality acts were; Slayer, Sodom, Slayer, Detente, Hirax, Hallow's Eve, as opposed to Sound Barrier, Krank, Cities, Exxplorer and Juggernaut.

But that wasn't it. The cassette had no info on it. There was only one panel with one side printed; the cover, which listed just a few of the bands and on the reverse we could find song titles but no band names. My favorite songs of this half compilation were Sodom's incredible "Deathlike Silence" and "Holy War", which I had no idea who played it. For the longest time I thought it was Tyrranicide but a few years ago I came to find out it was Detente. 

I am listening to the second record right now and with a few exceptions it ranks right above decent. The fourth half starts off with a horrendous live rendition of "Live and Let Die" by Lizzy Borden and that is a guilty pleasure I could have never envisioned had I not purchased this record. Even if it is in such a horrid state, it was $17 well-spent.

WARFARE NOISE I - Compilation (Cogumelo, 1986)

When I was a kid I knew this dude who was a total fucking dick. A real asshole. A total douche. I was best friends with his younger brother and he used to beat him up. I kind of hated him for that. But I also hated him because he was an asshole, a smart ass who used to pick on everyone who was smaller and younger than him.

When I was about eighteen years old I sold him a broken walkman. It was yellow and pretty small and he thought it looked pretty modern. That's why he wanted it. I thought it looked kind of girly. That was the second reason why I wanted to get rid of it. The first one being that it did not work very well. The following day he came to my house. He was pissed off because I had sold him a walkman that didn't work. He threatened to beat me up. He could have. Easily. He was about twice my size and used to lift weights in his backyard. He had filled a couple of buckets of paint with cement and had connected them with a metal rod. He would lay on his back and do bench presses with that.

I told him that I was not going to give him his money back and that he had probably broken it and was now trying to return it. The conversation cooled off quickly and concluded when this asshole walked back to his house with the walkman in hand. He was clenching it. I was a bit shaken. Never been much of a fighter but that day I realized that it takes an asshole to confront an asshole.

Anyway, I had to put up with this dick because he was the one who introduced me to Mayhem, Minotaur, Sarcofago and the whole Brasilian movement. He had connections who were into underground metal and on one occasion even showed up with a copy of Slayer fanzine. He talked about Mayhem with reverence. I loved their logo but had never heard their music. And we are talking late 80's, way before the whole Norwegian scene blew up. He used to dub tapes of his friends of pretty obscure bands. Imperator was his favorite. Minotaur was a close second. He was pretty good at drawing logos, which he would work on for hours in the spines of tapes. He learned silk screening and started putting logos in white T shirts. 

One day he showed up with a tenth generation copy of Warfare Noise. He had taped over one of his mother's bolero tapes in his shitty boombox. The quality of the sound was beyond disastrous. You could barely distinguish between songs, but to him, it all sounded fantastic. I kind of admired his blind resilience in the face of bad sound. 

Dickboy does not listen to metal anymore. He is one of those people who outgrew metal and considers it childish. Back then, I could not listen to this compilation and take it seriously. Nowadays, I love it. I now possess this blind resilience in the face of bad sound.

((WARFARE NOISE HERE))

RAZOR Announce First Montreal Show inYears

Canada's RAZOR are announcing their first show in Montreal in over five years at Foufounes Electriques on Friday April 29th,2011. Playing only a few shows a year they are also set to headline the 2011 'True Thrash Festival' in Osaka, Japan on February 11 and the show in Montreal will be one the only shows they play in North America all year.The show will also include support from Riotor as well as FTME an S.O.D. cover band. Tickets are available for purchase online at www.razormontreal.info and instore tickets will be available on February 18th, details for in store locations can be found at www.razormontreal.info.

METALEPSIA, Self-Titled (Self-Released, 2010)

A couple of weeks ago I received an e-mail from this Argentinian band. They are called Metalepsia. Maybe that's why I actually stopped, read thru the message and proceeded to download their record. Then, I made a post.

Unlike most bands that write me, they weren't asking for a review, they just wanted me to post their album in my spanish blog Discos Inauditos.  Which I did after I checked out their MySpace page and listened to the whole recording once.

The black and white cover artwork says it all. Metalepsia mix and match punk and metal. Which is pretty similar to saying that they play some kind of crossover. They kind of sound like Inepsy and Abigail. Check the dudes on the cover. They are both in shape. They are both obviously into alcohol. One is long-haired and bearded while the other sports a large mohawk. Both share the same symbol in their attire. If you have time, check out the MySpace page for Metalepsia. There we will learn that the scene they dwell in contains equal parts of punkers and metalheads and this is a move this band is backing. There, you will also learn that vocalist  Facundo seems to only own one t-shirt. Venom.

((Metalepsia))

The Lost Art of Record Shopping - MALICE / POST MORTEM / DECEASED

Got off work an hour early on Thursday and headed off the opposite direction of home and to the record store where the man with no smile works. It has been about a month since I saw that shrinkwrapped copy of the Skid Row vinyl but I was quite sure that with the ignorance of all, it would still be there. I was greeted by a sickly blond kid with a Gospel t-shirt. He looked like a Belle and Sebastian fan (so am I but I do not) and he was rocking the skinny jeans to the point of bursting. As I entered I nodded my head. He blinked. I am not sure if that was a salute. I went up straight to the S section and there it was, Skid Row, price? $9.99. Took it in my arms and kept on inspecting.  

I have seen more than a few semi quality hardcore vinyls in this place. A bunch of stuff from Feral Ward. A bunch of stuff I have not heard of and that look-wise does not look half as good as most metal releases. There were a few Profane Existence releases there too. But I did not care. I crave metal. No matter how cheesy, I crave it. If it is old and in spinnable condition, chances are I like it. More chances are that I want it. I like hardcore too, but if I have to pick between the two, there is no contest.

My first find was Malice’s In The Beginning…. (Atlantic, 1985) Me and this band go way back. I was about 12 when I grabbed a hold of this shitty Mexican hard rock magazine that for some accidental reason had landed in South American soil. There was a lot of coverage of Mexican bands I have never heard of. Cristal y Acero. Ramses. Those are the two I remember. I have not heard either but about six months ago I went into YouTube looking for old heavy metal videos and I stumbled upon a Ramses video. It sucked. The music and the video. Both equally.  So I left a comment saying something along the lines of, ‘hahahahahahah, that’s one shitty song.’ A day later, I got a blast of Spanish e-mails mentioning my mother in terms that I did not appreciate.  

I can’t recall the name of the magazine. It was printed in black and white, newspaper quality, and small size. I remember seeing the cover of In The Beginning… in one of those pages. The author spoke highly of this Cali band and even went as far as to compare them to Judas Priest. There is little artwork in the cover so I forgot about them as soon as I turned the page. But I do not forget names, nor logos. Let alone heavy metal names. And when I saw this record last week I knew I had to buy it. Mint condition. Price? $12.99. Ouch! Fuck it.

((In the Beginning...there was shit))

I kept on searching and I didn’t have to look far for my next find.  By the time I got to the letter P I found my next purchase. The Missing Link (New Renaissance, 1987) by Post Mortem. Price? $14.99. Mega ouch! Especially considering that it was a tad beat and that this is a four-song EP. But I did not know that until I got home. Plus, how could I resist a record with a cover like this? I think the boys in Post Mortem used to hate Charlie Benante, that’s why they placed him in the cover, in between a T-Rex and cavemen, as if his ilk, his breed, his kind, the metalhead, was just that, the missing link between zero-neuron beings and the modern times. That has got to be Benante. Big belly. Wiry puffy hair. Slayer t-shirt. Hands in pocket. Looks like a dumbass.

((The Missing Link is Charlie Benante))

By then, it was about time to get home and I knew I wasn’t going to have enough time to go through every single letter in the alphabet. I took a look around me, a quick peek to all the vinyl racks and to the records positioned up front and there it was, a Deceased record. As the Weird Travel On (Thrash Corner, 2005) to be more precise. How could anyone miss it? The covers that  embellish this band’s releases are a work of art. Tasty delicatessen stuff for metalheads. Price? $15.99. Who said that shopping vinyl was a cheap pleasure? No one that’s right. And at four, that was three more than what I was planning on buying so I had no option but to return the Skid Row record to the rack. I can always come back next month. I am pretty sure it will still be there. 

It may be a policy of this store to be a dick or to be as articulate as a mannequin, but the sickly Gospel-loving blond kid did not utter a word when I bought these records. He didn’t say 'hi', or 'bye', or ‘the total is $45’. I had to look at the register to know the final price and handed my card. Then, I walked out quietly...

GLORIOUS TIMES Revised Edition Now in Print!

After MUCH tenuous effort, we are extremely proud to announce that our revised and extended edition of 'Glorious Times' is currently finished, and now in the hands of our new printer. It will be ready to ship from us at the end of November. This is not a history book, not a book like any other music book. These are the memories from those involved in the early days of the scene in their own words. The memories THEY chose to tell.

Bigger and better than before! 160 pages of massively rare and mostly unseen photographs, tied together with sentiment and reflections from the very people who lived the era - the GLORIOUS TIMES. We refused to conform to the publishers who wanted every band's story (written in THEIR words) rewritten by a third party. We refused to take out our rare pics and insert promo line-up shots as the publishers wanted. Instead we sought out other photographers from the old days and found even more never before seen pictures. At the same time we also sought out a few more bands to make this version even better. We now have added 11 bands with stories from such legends as Ron Sumers (Slaughter), Scott Peterson (Cryptic Slaughter), Eric Meyer and Jim Durkin (Dark Angel), Joe Caper (Righteous Pigs), Brian Lehfeldt and Shann Mortimer (Wehrmacht), Ross Dolan (Immolation) and also Rob Urbinati and Scott Watts (Sacrifice) among others. Included too are pictures from the personal collections of Ron Sumners, Scott Peterson, Brian Lehfeldt, Ross Dolan and a bunch of others.

In addition to the new bands every old layout has been redone using industry standard software and formats so this time there are no skewed pics, no typos, etc. Many of the original layouts that were redone also include additional never before seen pictures. The Hellwitch section also includes a new story from Jim Nickles and the Unseen Terror section includes a new story from Mick Harris.

Bands featured : Acheron, Autopsy, Baphomet, Brutality, Cannibal Corpse, Cryptic Slaughter, Dark Angel, Death, Deceased, Deicide, Derketa, Disharmonic Orchestra, Exmortis, Groovy Aardvark, Hellwitch, Hideous Mangleus, Immolation, Impetigo, Incantation, Incubus, Insanity, Lethal Aggression, Malevolent Creation, Massacre,Massappeal, Master, Morbid Angel, Napalm Death, Nocturnus, Nokturnel,Nuclear Death, Overthrow, Paineater, Possessed, Prime Evil, Revenant, Righteous Pigs, Ripping Corpse, Sacrifice, Slaughter, Soothsayer,Terrorain, Tirant Sin, Unseen Terror, Vomit, Wehrmacht and Where's ThePope?

Glorious Times can be purchased directly through us, for ordering info send an email to glorioustimesdeathbook@gmail.com and/or check out any of our sites:
www.myspace.com/glorioustimesdeathbook
www.facebook.com/pages/Glorious-Times/280760555286
www.pioneeringglorioustimes.blogspot.com

Glorious Times can also be purchased through any of these fine distributors:
CM distro www.cmdistro.com
F.O.A.D. records (Italy) www.foadrecords.it
Horror Records (Denmark) http://www.horrorrecords.com/

HEAVY ARTILLERY Signs MIDNIGHT CHASER

HEAVY ARTILLERY RECORDS is pleased to announce the signing of San Francisco traditional hard rock and heavy metal purveyors MIDNIGHT CHASER. Forged in the blast furnaces of Pittsburgh and tempered in the waters of the San Francisco Bay comes a new force in the art of badass; enter MIDNIGHT CHASER! Influenced by the gods of 70's and 80's hard rock and heavy metal, MIDNIGHT CHASER was originally conceived of by guitarist Stephen Lauck and bassist "Texas" Josh Hunt while both still living in Pittsburgh, the Rust Belt of Pennsylvania. However it wasn't until both rockers found themselves relocated to the fog cloaked Bay Area of California that MIDNIGHT CHASER began to take shape.

First recruiting the steam hammer drumming skills of Brandon Thomas, the pair immediately knew that they had found the missing piece of their rhythm section that they had been searching for. All that was lacking now was a voice that could suitably realize their ambitions. Unsatisfied with the pool of vocal talent in their new surroundings they imported fellow Pittsburgh native Scott Atwood in order to fill the final void and complete that which is MIDNIGHT CHASER. The line-up finally completed, the band whipped themselves into a creative furor, writing and rehearsing original material while playing shows up and down the West Coast, rocking any venue that would have them from bars and theaters to strip clubs and basements.

Fans of early hard rock and heavy metal such as Judas Priest, Deep Purple, Saxon and Diamond Head take note! Having completed recording their debut full length album, tentatively scheduled for a February 2011 release on HEAVY ARTILLERY RECORDS, MIDNIGHT CHASER is now ready to hit the rest of the world like a runaway train.

German Thrash Metallers NECRONOMICON Release Double Vinyl

German Thrash Metallers NECRONOMICON have released a special edition vinyl of the band's first album on High Roller Records.  The self-titled album was first released on CD in 1986, and the vinyl release includes not only the original 8 tracks, but also NECRONOMICON's 1985 Blind Destruction demo and two additional tracks that have appeared on different compilations.

The double LP comes in a heavy gatefold cover, embossed with the band logo, and with a cardboard lyric insert. It is limited to 666 copies, with the first 100 copies on gold vinyl and including a free woven patch, while the next 200 are on a silver/black blend vinyl, and the remaining 366 copies on black vinyl. 

Full track listing as follows:
Side 1
1. Dark Land
2. Possessed By Evil
3. Bloody Revenge
4. Insanity
Side 2
5. Blind Destruction
6. Hades Invasion
7. Magic Forest
8. Iron Charm
Side 3
9. Intro / Iron Charm
10. Possessed By Evil
11. Insanity
12. Blind Destruction
Side 4
13. Bloody Revenge
14. Possessed By Evil
15. Blind Destruct

Formed in Southern Germany in 1983 by front man Freddy, and then members Axel and Lala, NECRONOMICON is one of Germany's longest running Thrash Metal bands, whose founder members started out on the Punk scene, but who developed a love of Thrash Metal and steered the band in a completely new direction.  Since then NECRONOMICON has garnered a strong following both in Europe and world-wide.  The band is currently in the studio working on their seventh album, which will be a double CD and will include both live tracks and acoustic songs.

EXCRUCIATOR Announce Tour Dates + FREE Download

In support of their debut five track EP entitled By the Gates of Flesh, released by Heavy Artillery Records on October 12th, and in advance of their forthcoming full length album tentatively scheduled for release during spring 2011, Excruciator will be hitting the road for a string of
west coast tour dates. Dates are as follows:

November 7th Seattle, WA @ The Funhouse
November 8th Olympia, WA @ Charlie's Bar & Grill
November 9th Portland, OR @ Kelley's Olympian
November 10th Medford, OR @ TBA
November 11th Sacramento, CA @ Fire Escape
November 13th Escondido, CA @ Metaphor Café
November 15th Phoenix, AZ @ TBA
November 16th Flagstaff, AZ @ TBA
November 17th Los Angeles, CA @ TBA
November 18th Las Vegas, NV @ Divebar
November 19th Riverside, CA @ Common Ground w/ Witchaven
November 20th Berkley, CA @ 924 Gilman Street
November 21st Eugene, OR @ The Astoria

In conjunction with the upcoming tour Heavy Artillery Records is pleased to offer a free download of Excruciator's By the Gates of Flesh EP via the label's Bandcamp profile. By the Gates of Flesh is the second installment in the Heavy Artillery Wax Maniax Demo Series and it is strictly limited to 200 hand numbered vinyl mini lps and 500 cds.

Download By the Gates of Flesh its entirety for free here.

Here at Deaf Sparrow we would like to congratulate Excruciator for the artwork presented above. That's like the best shit ever...

Worst Cover of the Year Award Goes to ...FORBIDDEN! Second Runner Up is MONSTER MAGNET!

Maybe cover artwork is not the artform it once was. What with all this fucking digital age, kids only care about compressed music. Oh yeah, and it's got to be free too. But anyway, I got into music because my dickish older brother had a pretty decent collection of vinyl that included records by Slayer, Metallica, Celtic Frost and Iron Maiden. As a kid I spent countless hours waiting for him to leave the house just so that I could stare at these sleeves for hours and I could spin that wonderful scent-less black acetate.  Partly my love for metal came from that, what could now be considered blown up artwork with wonderful details, paintings in which one could get lost trying to decipher and to find the smallest details. 

But now, who is going to spend time staring at Photoshop artwork in their Ipods or MP3 players? No one, that's who. Even in you computer, even in your giant monitor, how much time have you spent staring at record covers?

But anyway, times have changed. And if only a couple of weeks back I was surprised to see that the new Monster Magnet record, Mastermind, boasts a Photoshop cover that shits all over our beloved bullgod... 

 ...now I am surprised to see that semi legendary California thrash metal band Forbidden have upped the ante as far as shitty artwork is concerned. Sure, none of their previous albums had artwork that one would be particularly proud of, but with their comeback Omega Wave they have just gotten everything they could have gotten wrong. I did a quick search and ended up in a Blabbermouth post that revealed this artwork to the public. You have got to read the comments, most of which actually praise this turd. Personally, I have got to say, this is my candidate for worst record cover of the year.

And for those who doubt the objectivity of handling awards this early in the year let me say with all confidence that even if we were only in April we would still be quite certain that this record takes the cake home. This cover sucks!

NUCLEAR WAR NOW! Fest VOL. II - Do Not Miss It - For the Love of Satan!

NUCLEAR WAR NOW! FEST VOLUME II
NOVEMBER 19th and 20th 2010
C-Halle, Berlin-Tempelhof, Germany
 
The Return of darkness and evil...

Last November saw the first ritual desecration of the city of Berlin by the Nuclear War Now! infantry. The first annual NWN! fest summoned together on a single stage a diverse array of metal styles spanning four continents. Just as the NWN! label always seeks to release the most elite practitioners of black, death, and thrash metal and the myriad combinations of those sub-genres, the annual NWN! fest is designed to showcase the most important live performances of bands affiliated with the label. Once again NWN! has allied with Iron Bonehead Productions to invoke yet another diabolical manifestation of evil and destruction that will lay waste to the city of Berlin again in November of 2010. In honor of NWN!’s 10th year of unholy nuclear annihilation, this fest will prove to be imminently superior to 2009’s NWN! fest. The second annual ritual of plague and pestilence will include performances from the following:
 
Blasphemy (Can) Black Metal Skinheads. Ross Bay Cult Eternal.
Mystifier (Brazil) Brazilian black cult’s first ritual in Europe. The performance will only focus on early material.
Order From Chaos (USA) Undeniably superior metal from the US. Beyond genre categorization. Their only performance in Europe for 2010.
Von Goat (USA) Goat, the mastermind behind Von’s new project of primitive and schizophrenic black metal.
Xibalba (Mexico) Mexican black metal legends with their first appearance in Europe.
Ares Kingdom (USA) Expanding the limits of deathrash.
Bone Awl (USA) Existential anxiety put to music.
Dead Congregation (Greece) Darkest death metal
Blasphemophagher (Italy) Nuclear bestial desecration metal.
Embrace of Thorns (Greece) Ritualistic and occult bestial black metal.
Proclamation (Spain) Tyrants of the Black Omen.
Vanhelgd (Sweden) Dark Swedish death metal
Miasmal (Sweden) Ancient death metal from the grave.
Faustcoven (Norway) Norwegian black doom metal.
Black Witchery (USA) Black Witching Metal
 
Many fest releases are planned including a LP by Blasphemophagher, 12" EP by Vanhelgd, etc. Stay tuned for more information.
 
Venue:
C-Halle
Columbiadamm 13-21
10965 Berlin
Germany
 
46 Euros ($61) for both days per person
PayPal directly to yosukekonishi@yahoo.com
 
Recommended hostels in Berlin:
 
Mercure Hotel Tempelhof Airport: http://www.mercure.com/de/hotel-1894-mercure-berlin-tempelhof-airport/index.shtml
Hotel Columbia: http://www.hotelcolumbia.de
Sunshine House Hostel: http://www.sunshinehouse-berlin.de
Hotel Alt Tempelhof: http://www.alt-tempelhof.com
Hotel Berliner Bär: http://www.hotel-berliner-baer.de
A&O Hostel Ostbahnhof: http://www.aohostels.com/de/berlin/hostel-mitte
Metropol Hostel: http://www.metropolhostel.de
Pension Bolle: http://www.berlin-pension-bolle.de/
Hotel Transit: www.hotel-transit.de
City Pension Sanader: http://www.city-pension-sanader.de
Berlin Lodge: http://www.berlin-lodge.de
 
Sponsored by Iron Bonehead Productions Germany
For more information contact NWN or IBP at:
nuclearwarnow_prod@yahoo.com | nwnprod.com
info@ironbonehead.de | ironbonehead.de

So there you go. If you are a goat-fucking, sheep molesting, chicken-eating, beer-drinking metalhead and you are in Germany or have the chance to travel to Berlin to witness this true festival of blasphemy, then do not miss it.

BASTARDOS - Argentine Thrash Metal for Free

God damn Argentina I love your sausage. And your skirt steak. And whatever that fuck it is that well-sliced cows are made of. I do not know what is it that you feed those mammals but everytime I try some of that delish meat at the Argentinean grill by my house I feel like moving to Buenos Aires and exchanging my thrash metal jeans for some elastic-waist shorts. This way, as I get fat from eating so much steak I would not feel the guilt bulging up my stomach.

And I love the way your players move their feet. They are magicians of the soccer ball, wicked humans of the greatest, grandest, most popular sport in the motherfucking world. And in Latin America, your pop rock rules. At least it did in the 80's. Mexicans have great tacos but no one eats tacos in South America. No, because in South America people eat meat. Lots of meat and far less cheese and beans. And in South America people eat real ceviche and shit. But if you feel like meat, you might hit either a Brazilian grill for some obscene amounts of food via rodizio or an Argentinean steak house. But yeah, as I was saying, Mexican pop sucks chupacabra balls but Argentinean pop was kinda cool. It ruled for a little bit.

And metal-speaking, well there were a couple of chilean bands in the 90's that did OK, which some Americans may feel are interchangeable for Argentinean bands because in American schools they lost their maps of way the fuck down south of the border. There was Pentagram in the 80's, who just played some shows in England and then there was Atomic Aggressor and Sadism, and to the right, which is Argentina, there was Vibrion and in the 80's there was Hermetica and V8 and a few others. Rata Blanca was a bit too on the cheesy side and I tend to not fuck with that.

Anyway, Bastardos come from Buenos Aires, which some people say is the Paris of South America and which my girlfriend confirmed as she was visiting a few weeks back. By the way, she scored a couple of Pappo's Blues vinyl records. I nearly cried when I saw them. Beautiful music. So yeah, there was metal and there was good Argentinean extreme metal and then in the 70's there was Pappo's Blues, the hardest working most badass guitarist to ever come out of the region.  Back to Bastardos - oh yeah, they play thrash. Plain and simple, and I say that because they play it plain and also simple. Also, they are looking for a drummer so if anyone feels like moving to Buenos Aires to hang out among beuatiful women, awesome steaks, good pasta and a-ok thrash metal, you might want to give these boys a try.

After downloading their three-song recording pay them a visit below  http://www.myspace.com/bastardosthrash

((Download This Steak))