HAROLD & MAUDE - Movie Poster

A few years ago I stumbled upon a framed copy of this poster at a thrift store. I paid $5 for it. It was in pretty good shape. I loved it for its great design as well as because it is for one of my favorite movies.

One day I got back from work and my girlfriend had thrashed it. She hated it, almost as much as I hate the music of Spandau Ballet.

At first I thought the quote at the bottom right was by Charles Chaplin.

Top 5 Worst Ad Campaigns and Commercials of 2011

Yeah man, here we go again with this shit. Last year I did a nice write up of some commercials, or rather spokesmen/mascots, that I ragged on, but this year I decided to focus on five ad campaigns that really pissed me off. All of these are from well-known companies, I could have picked some obscure ones, but they don't have the annoyance factor as much because you won't see them as often. The following are the commercials and ad campaigns from 2011 that we all fucking hated, hated to our cores, hated enough to denounce the company and then still buy their product.

5. Lipitor Man Did I Take Risks Ads

Now, not all of these are necessarily annoying, but they all follow he same basic premise. You have someone, usually an older guy, who talks about how they took "crazy risks" as a kid like riding down a pussy hill without a helmet on a bicycle, jumping in the water naked with those cadira fish or something, or fucking a girl with a condom bought at Big Lots. Okay, no, none of those except the first. They're usually really tame and you chuckle at the "risks" that were once taken in ye olde youth, but there's one in particular...

This particular ad reveals the fault with the whole campaign, it's not well thought out, but you have to pay attention to catch what's wrong. See it? Let me explain. Okay, yeah, so the guy's on about how he took risks as a kid swinging on a rope over some rocks in a lake. Sure, that's pretty risky, being that you could have severed your spinal cord or something, but ummm, wait a minute... It's clear dude is in some sort of big park or nature reserve and it's not his yard, because there aren't any houses around, so you mean to tell me that out of the whole fucking lake you pick the one goddamn spot that has fucking jagged rocks below it to tie up your rope swing? Now, really, sure we climb trees and stuff as a kid, but this one verges a little on maniac. If you have a whole lake about the size of Vermont to pick a spot to swing from, why would you pick the ONE spot where there were rocks? Fuck you buddy, you put that there for the commercial!

4. Arby's Good Mood Food Mud Fud Gud Ooooood Ads

I really don't know anyone who doesn't hate this goddamn jingle. It ranks on my list as possibly the worst jingle ever written. And it's not annoying because it sticks in your head, it's not annoying because it tries to be funny, it's not even annoying because it plays on slang phrases no longer cool (like the new Chipmunks film). This one makes the list because it's retarded. Like, whoever works in the ad department for Arby's needs to be fired or sent back to primary school or some shit. Here's an example:

Avoiding the lamer factor of the guy, let's analyze. Now, some of you might not mind it because they are advertising their product successfully. I mean, yeah, sandwich looks damn delicious, but I'm starting to not want to eat it. If you're a native speaker of English, this song is going to rub you the wrong way. Why? Because, linguistically and artistically speaking, it MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. Good Mood Food, sure we can read and it looks like they go together, but we can also HEAR SOUNDS THAT DON'T FUCKING RHYME. Whatever douchebag put this together seems to perhaps not be a native speaker and simply looked at the words thinking "ah yes, American rhyme ees good". No, it doesn't rhyme, and it's an example of how English works. Letters are symbols in English, they only represent sounds. In this case, they do not represent the sounds you think they do you fucking assholes. How are we supposed to say this? Gut Mut Fut? Gooood Moooood Foooood? Take your pick, it's only one of the two, because actually we say it something like this: Gud Mood Food. Doesn't work dickheads, and I like how they try to cover over it by his intonation and the music behind it, as if they cringed when they did it themselves. Get a new campaign ya fucks.

3. Toyota Highlander Unappreciative Asshole Kid Who Needs to Fucking Shut Up

Aw man, this, fuck I hate this kid. Kids can be annoying, they can be selfish, but this fucking little man here, Christ, I just want him to die, I want his parents to kick him out of the fucking car and run him over and make him pay for the hospital bill. I want them to force him to save his allowance so he can buy the fucking car himself. Here's one, if you haven't seen any of them, which I doubt:

Sure, he reveals to you all you need to know about the Toyota Highlander, but he does so while ripping on his parents for using an older SUV and, you know, probably trying to save some money or something so they can put his annoying ass through school or buy him nice things so he doesn't reveal their poverty, maybe even pay off hospital bills they don't talk about publically. Little dick gets in some friend's car and talks to his mother like he's ready to lick her asshole, then revealing that you too, parents, can be cool by buying a Toyota Highlander and getting rid of your lame, affordable car. I wouldn't doubt this ad campaign pissed a lot of people off, and it probably caused a loss of profit because I haven't seen them in at least two months. If you look at videos on Youtube, pay attention to the dislikes and negative comments. People don't like to be told that they're idiots if they don't buy an expensive car. Fuck your expensive car, I want something that runs good, has good gas mileage, can save me money, is probably used, and doesn't have that fucking kid in it. Go buy your own SUV you ungrateful twat.

2. ADT Burglar on a Rampage Ads

These ads crack me the fuck up boooiii. There's the one with the girl who's having a party, and then the one guy she's apparently fell for comes back with a real mean rapist face and kicks the door in. Ummm, if she liked him, couldn't he have just come in nicely and then done the deed? Why'd he have to kick the fucking door in? I mean, she approaches him looking all nice and then he kicks in the door? He pretty much had the go-ahead there to abuse her feelings. Or how about the one with the family during the day, dad leaves for work, and then big brute robber kicks in the door and looks confused when the alarm goes off. Could they find any less of a fucking mongoloid for the role? Oh, I see, all robbers are neanderthal in their nature so they must look the part, or as Arby's would say, luuk. But my favorite is the one with the girl and the daughter coming home...

Unfortunately, couldn't find it online, probably because they knew it would get burned by a million dislikes and funny-ass comments. Basically, you've seen it I'm sure. Mommy walks in the living room after coming home with daughter (why's she still carrying her purse?), dude is "robbing" them, in the middle of taking a TV. They look scared and shocked. He's like, hmmm, whatever, barely makes a face that shows more than complete boredom, leaves the TV, and kindly walks out like he's going to do something else in the next room. He literally walks out without a care in the world. What kind of fucking robber does that? He just put the TV back down? Why didn't he attack like the other guy? Maybe I'm being stereotypical, I don't know, but there certainly wasn't a reason for the dude to smash a photograph of your husband and break your vase. Trust me, I haven't robbed anyone, but if I was focusing on a TV and expensive electronics, why would I suddenly go randomly apeshit and just smash a picture of your dork husband in the process? What the fuck? Anyway, though I couldn't find it, this user video here is plenty funnier, it uses clips from the actual video (minus the robber guy), and pretty much makes fun of it for the same reasons I mentioned. Enjoy:

1. Wal Mart Trying to Look Hip Smart Talk Commercials

Wal Mart's so full of shit. I never shop there, I never will, I always overpay for my products to support the little guy, fuck my money. But one thing Wal Mart has never been able to overcome, regardless of their market dominance, is their image. Hahahahaha, what a pile of human waste that place generates! Seriously, are they born there? It's like a building you set up in Star Craft to generate various aliens. See, Wal Mart has had lots of problems with its image, and it's been doing everything in its power to overcome it. Redesigning the logo so it looks similar in arrangement to Target, using choice workers in ads to make them look like regular folks, and of course, the recent Smart Talk commercials of the past year. You know them, the ads that feature people who "forget" they're actually poor because they use phones from Wal Mart that "save them money" so they can "live better", which someone equates to things like thinking the crown jewels can be purchased, working in a repair shop and changing oil with your toy dog that just got manicured, trying to open the locks on an expensive car you don't own as you discuss serving fancy game birds over the phone, and so forth. Some of them actually don't feature the Wal Mart logo or any mentioning of them, partly because they're in cahoots with real phone companies, and also because again, they're trying to fix their image. Here's the jewels one, which annoys me in particular because no one that shops at Wal Mart even knows what they are:

So what's the problem? Well, many people find them funny, but that's just because they're fucking idiots and they don't see the horrible truth of which they are playing a huge role. These commercials are degrading, they're trying to tell you that by purchasing a cheap phone (that's probably a cheaply made model, by the way, that's how you actually "save" money with Wal Mart products, look it up and don't buy your electronics or guns there) you'll feel like you have more money, when in actuality you don't. THANKS FOR THE REMINDER. Another thing that irritates me about these ads is that they're just another example of Wal Mart's desperate attempt to look "cool" and well, better to say, not a festering pile of trash and obesity. You want to know what Wal Mart really is? This is the truth, and no fucking ad can avoid it:

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

Well, that's it, hope you enjoyed the fun! Next year I'm sure I'll have plenty more ads to tear apart. I was tempted to talk about the hipster Flo Progressive ads again, but it's been done already and I've heard people complaining about them so I've done my part. I think these, well, they needed a reaming. Anyway, ring in the New Year with more shitty ads and stuff and watch for Hansel's ramblings about metal and vinyl, and my sci-fi reviews and so forth. Later.

THE LAST CIRCUS - Movie Poster

Caught The Last Circus (Balada Triste de Trompeta) on Netflix streaming this lazy christmas afternoon. I had seen the trailer online and was looking forward to it. Didn't have anything precise in mind, but being somewhat familiar with the work of Alex de la Iglesia I was expecting some kind of excess.

One thing is for sure, there is no way I could have prepared for the type of overload that this over the top movie delivers.

After seeing La Comunidad a few years back I thought the Spanish auteur had matured a bit but The Last Circus shows that this guy is sicker than ever. Gratuitous violent, glossy gore and a plot that makes almost no sense come together for a movie that at times reminds of Jodorowsky's Santa Sangre and at others reminds of just a B movie that looks pretty fucking neat.

PARALISIS PERMANENTE - Unidos

AMER - Best Movie Poster I've Seen in a While

New BURNING SAVIOURS 7 Inch Coming - Out On NIGHT TRIPPER

SAMOTHRACE Upcoming Record

After nearly four years without a new release, ambidextrous sludge purveyors SAMOTHRACE were in Soundhouse Studios in their hometown of Seattle with producer Brandon Fitzsimmons (ex-Wormwood) to being the recording of their second LP.

SAMOTHRACE issued the following collective statement about the recording process: "Working on this album at Soundhouse Studios with Brandon Fitzsimmons is amazing. We were fortunate enough to use the Rolls Royce of analog tape machines. The sound of rolling thunder was an inspiration during the whole process. The songs are as soaring and turbulent as the last album,

but a bit more mature. We can't wait for its release and imminent touring to follow."

The LP will tentatively bear two side-long tracks, "When We Emerged" and "A Horse Of Our Own." The hymn "When We Emerged" originally appeared on the band's 2007 demo in a much shorter and raw form, and has here been completely reworked and extended into a new song.

The album -- its title still TBA -- will be released by mid-2012 via 20 Buck Spin, who also released SAMOTHRACE's praised 2008 debut full-length, Life's Trade. More info on the new album will be available in the coming weeks.

Some Gig in SWEDEN

Spent Too Much Money on eBay

I have definitely spent too much time and money on eBay lately.

According to me, I was going for great prices. For the most part I did not pay more than $7 for any of these records, except for that Candlemass record which cost me $12 and that Sacrilege record which cost me about $20, and that Cryptic Slaughter record which cost me about $25, and that Tyrant record which also cost me about $25 and that Nuclear Death record which cost me about $26. Everything else was pretty much in the $8 to $9 range and accordingly, sounded  pretty mediocre. I found this seller on eBay who sells a lot of unopened thrash records from the late 80's, bands no one has heard so I have been collecting a lot of those.He must have made a small fortune of off me,.

I must stop. Now. No more eBay.

What the Hell CM DISTRO!!! 2 Weeks for Delivery

So I was listening to the new Raw Radar War seven inch the other day, and the voice of Jonah Jenkins got me thinking about how much I love Only Living Witness. I remembered that during an interview I did with him about two years ago he mentioned that the remastered version of Innocents sounded great. This, of course, after I complained about the audio quality, which ruined what to me is one of the best heavy records of all time.

So I went online to see if I could find a cheap copy of the remasters and I ended up in CM Distro,  the large distribution arm of Century Media Records. They were selling it for $5.00, a great price if you consider that the remasters include OLW's first album Prone Mortal Form as well, another fucking jewel in my book. So I didn't hesitate and bought it. Had to register actually, and by the late 90's design of the webstore I just hoped they didn't get hacked and with that my credit card number stolen.

When I got the e-mail confirmation I realized that shipping was actually more than the price I paid for the CD, but that's OK. $10.25, pricey, especially these days but what the hell.

Item Details

ITEM NAME	TYPE	QTY	PRICE	TOTAL
Only Living Witness - Prone Mortal Form/Innocents (Reissue)	CD	1	$5.00	$5.00
Subtotal:				$5.00
Tax:				$0.00
Shipping:				$5.25
Total:				$10.25

What pissed me off was that five days later I got an e-mail with an order update saying that it would take up to two weeks of delivery. Two fucking weeks = 14 days. I placed my order on 11/18 and still I have not received anything.

Assuming I do get the CD in two weeks, the question remains, I paid $5.25 in shipping and is taking about fourteen days? What the fuck? Who is delivering this shit? A legless man? Are they fucking walking all the way from California to Florida?

Sci-Fi That Sucks: I Will Fear No Evil

The more I read by Helein, the more I wonder what the fuck was wrong with the guy. The only time he stays interesting is when he sticks to science and adds some action. For some reason, dude had this thing throughout his career of letting his works turn into shit by any mentionings of love or, more typically, sex. If you read my review of The Puppet Masters, I had the same issue with it, but for I Will Fear No Evil he reached a new level of hatred. The majority of The Puppet Masters was good, but it was seriously hampered by a ridiculous subplot concerning the love of the two main agents in the story. Then, yet again, I found this same issue coming to the surface and annoying the piss out of me in one of his most famous works, Stranger in a Strange Land, which I can unequivocally state is not as awesome as the Iron Maiden song. Heinlein in all of these examples seems to do one thing, come up with an awesome idea and then spends so much time to writing about bullshit to apparently take up pages to increase book cost that it leads to bizarre sidetracks into sexuality that make you wonder if he had some sort of fucking problem. Out of his novels I have so far read, only The Moon is a Harsh Mistress comes with recommendations, this one, fuck, just don't even bother.

I Will Fear No Evil was apparently written while he was suffering through some sort of organ inflammation and his wife edited it, so maybe that has something to do with it, I don't know. The plot is simple. It's the future, the world is overpopulated (trust me, they do barely anything with this ripe concept), and this old rich guy is dying. His dying wish is kind of an attempt to commit legal suicide because he doesn't think it will work; he wants to have his brain transplanted into a healthy, young body and he gets the help of a doctor who did it with two monkeys but who was demonized afterwards. He's a crazy old guy and quite a horny coot, which is fine, and the way he talks and has an honest way of speaking makes for a believable character, at first. His secretary and her husband are one of the couples to sign the contract, and of course, she ends up dying soon after and his brain is put into her body.

Now, first off, the particular edition I have fucking blew that shit by talking about it on the back cover. You don't find out it was his secretary, Eunice, until at least a hundred or so pages in when he finally is able to see himself in the mirror. Before that, they play around with it, but if you weren't told, you wouldn't know, so I was a little pissed at that publishing slip. Anyway, you kind of figure it's going to happen and man, what an awesome idea for a sci-fi plot. Not new, really, but just plain awesome. Heinlein, however, fucks it up after Johann realizes who he is.

See, sure, we're all sure if you were a guy placed into a woman's body, you'd probably want to see what it does, no question. Problem is Heinlein spends the whole rest of the goddamn thing with Johann (now Joan Eunice) having sex with everyone under the sun, buying clothes, and really doing nothing of fucking interest. It basically reads like sci-fi for the first hundred pages, and then descends into a shitty romance novel with a Fabio look-a-like on the cover for the other 3/4 of it, which amounts to around 500 motherfucking pages. After the brain is transplanted and Johann is up and walking, the novel descends into one of the worst farces of sci-fi I've ever read. Cheesiness is fine, this just plain sucks. It's like listening to your wife or girlfriend blab about what they did throughout the day, but stretch that over the week or so it will take to finish it. Absolutely nothing interesting happens through the rest of the entire book, take that at face value because I mean it. It's a total travesty to even call this sci-fi, because other than brief mentionings of technology and the year, as well as a small stint about moon travel at the end that goes nowhere, there's almost nothing in here that has anything to do with the genre. It reads like an issue of Redbook you read on the shitter because there's nothing else around or like a Lifetime movie you for some reason won't shut off. Horrible.

The characters are unbelievable, the dialog ridiculous, and the end total blue balls. You'd expect a weird twist, but here it is. Eunice is somehow still functioning in the body and talks to Johann in his mind. That's kind of cool, but when his lawyer dies at the end, who he married and who was having sex with Eunice before she died, he somehow is also put into the mix and they're all talking together. How in the fuck did that happen? And when Johann decides to impregnate his new body with his own sperm that he had frozen away, Heinlein does next to nothing with the concept! Add to it this quasi-religious Indian thing very similar to the bullshit going on in Stranger in a Strange Land and you get one goddamned awful book. This is probably the worst sci-fi novel I've ever read, and I don't think it can be topped. I'm actually dreading reading anything else by this guy it was so fucking bad. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

MIXTAPE 1 - South American 70's Rock

Christian Van Lacke, guitarist and vocalist for South American band Tlön was kind enough to put together this compilation of South American bands from the 70's. For the most part, all these fall under the prog rock category, but there are also a few hard rock gems as well as a few who mix up their rock with folk from the region.

Here is the playlist:

1) Azafata del Tren Fantasma (Invisible / Argentina) 1974

2) El Inca (Wara / Bolivia) 1973

3) Ah! Te Vi Entre las Luces (La Maquina de Hacer Pajaros / Argentina) 1976

4) Mi Cueva (El Polen / Peru) 1973

5) Lo Mas Grande que Existe en el Amor (We All Together / Peru) 1973

6) A Traves de los Inviernos (Color Humano / Argentina) 1973

7) Octavo Sendero (Miguel Abuelo Et Nada / Argentina) 1973

8) Mira Niñita (Los Jaivas / Chile) 1973

9)  Martha Ya Esta (Tarkus / Peru - Argentina) 1972

10) Para Hacer Musica (Montevideo Blues / Uruguay) 1972

11) A Pagina do Relampago Eletrico (Beto Guedes / Brasil) 1977

12) Yo Sere Animal, Tu Seras mi Dueño (Aquelarre / Argentina) 1972

(((((((((DOWNLOAD IT HERE))))))))))

HAL HUTCHINSON, Brutal Mechanics - Out On Tape Through WOHRT Records

Buy It HERE...

MONSTER MAGNET to Perform DOPES to INFINITY In Its Entirety

Holy shit...!!!!!!!!!!!
JANUARY 13th @ Music Hall of Williamsburg

Sci-Fi Adventures: Birthright

If you were paying attention the last time I did one of these, then I don't need to do an introduction. But since it's most likely you weren't, let me do that. Laser Books was a rather short-lived sci-fi venture that sought to release a series (not connected in any way) of several books, all within a certain page limit and featuring a variety of authors (they got to number 58). They were notorious for severely editing some upper-level writers' work, and due to the speed at which they released their novels, the company tanked in little time, mainly because the plots of the novels are largely derivative and nothing too noteworthy. That is, at least, from my perspective, because I've already read five of them. Having commented on one prior, I decided to give this one a go because it's more interesting than the others. It's one of a number of sci0fi novels I've read over the past two months, but man, this one leaves a disturbing taste in your mouth.

As you can see, Kelly Freas dishes out another weird cover with the disembodied heads this series was known for, but now that I'm used to them, I think they work rather well because they basically summarize the entire plot of the novel in a single image. In Birthright, you're introduced to Andros, a young boy who's having trouble being human because there are suspicions he's actually an android, a new breed his father created that look, act, and function almost the same as human beings. Because his birth is suspect, people don't think highly of Andros, mainly because his father loved androids so much and was pushing to create this new breed you learn about in the novel. Andros returns to his father's complex, not really too interested in learning about androids or becoming involved in their constructions.

Fitzsimmons, the man temporarily in charge of the outfit until Andros gives up his ownership, doesn't really want the boy involved and you slowly find out he's been wheeling and dealing under the surface, working super-android against super-android in an effort to weed out the last of them. See, Andros' father created a religions for the androids based on a god called Vat, which simply deals with the vats they are 'born' in. The Sons of Vat, as they are called, are utilized by Fitzsimmons to take control, learn where Roarchik's super androids are, and kill them off, leaving only lower-level androids as the company's main production since Roarchik androids are the best in the world!

Andros eventually learns the truth about Fitzsimmon's plans and falls in love with one of the Supers, an android named Miranda. Well, perhaps not really love, he's disgusted with her at first, but then seems to slowly feel the humanness of her and comes around. Anyway, the plot of Birthright is actually pretty tame, it takes that whole Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? plot, or a plot about androids and para-humans like you find in a number of sci-fi novels and short stories throughout the decades. By the end, you figure out that Andros' past was left suspect so he'd get involved with androids more, and then learn his father planned for Miranda, the one I mentioned at the start of this paragraph, and he to give birth to a half-child in this weird love plot of creepiness. So that's the 'birthright' of the novel, as well as the ownership of the industry and all of that.

So why read this? Well, it doesn't necessarily move slow, and there's some intrigue and such going on, but where Birthright really makes you puke and shudder is the ending. HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT IN THE HELL WAS KATHLEEN SKY THINKING?!!!! When Fitzsimmons learns about the secret HQ of the Supers and their birthing chambers, he doesn't just arrest them or something, motherfucker KILLS them all in one the most disturbing and bloodiest of chapters I've ever read. If you thought Cliver Barker was dropped on his head and had his brains run over by a lawnmower, think again. Kathleen Sky lays out here one of the most gorey scenes in sci-fi history, and perhaps the most gruesome ever penned. Fitzsimmons gets the help of this local android-hatin gang, and they go crazy. I mean really, really crazy, like disturbing images of strangling and gutting infants crazy. Now, yeah, they're androids, but since they're designed to be all but human, you can't help but be a little freaked out by this one. The murders are depicted in a very graphic fashion and after a generally tame plot throughout the rest of the novel, Sky knows how to fuck you up. Birthright, in many ways, is pretty standard sci-fi, but give it to the ending and it's well worth it, that is, if you want to have nightmares for a least a month. I have to say, after this one, I really wonder what the rest of the series has in store...

Didn't Know That Was MR. BEAN!

Dio - Rainbow In The Dark by jpdc11

THE DEVIL'S BLOOD Mini Documentary

RED STATE - The Best Work of Kevin Smith and That's Not Saying Much

Just watched this movie a couple of nights ago, I enjoyed it. It helps that I had no expectations.

I had no expectations pretty much because I think that along with M Night Shyamalan, Smith is one of the most overrated directors ever. But this direct to video so-called horror movie came preceded of decent press so I was excited.

One thing to note is that the poster on the left is pretty cool. Inverted crosses and all, I could hardly qualify Red State as a horror movie. Maybe 'religious drama' or something along those lines would be more accurate.

Anyway, religious fanatics always make for pretty entertaining 'entertainment' and one thing to note is that the actors that play the fanatics in this movie get it right. Not to get too much into name dropping and such, but it was good to see a trimmed John Goodman doing his best and then the old lady from The Fighter actually making us hate her almost immediately. Those two are the best, and then of course the dude that does the voice of the stupidest guy in King of the Hill, he was pretty cool, plus he dies a quick blood splattering death, so he gets points for that.

CORROSION OF CONFORMITY Signs To Candlelight Records

Candlelight Records today proudly announces the worldwide signing of Corrosion Of Conformity. Since early this year, the band -- featuring the esteemed Animosity line-up of vocalist/bassist Mike Dean, guitarist Woody Weatherman, and drummer/vocalist Reed Mullin -- has been working with long-time producer John Custer. Now nearly complete, their still untitled eighth studio album is planned for release early in the New Year.

Gathering last summer to jam as a trio for the first time in over a decade, the treasured threesome quickly rekindled the magic that originally united and ultimately bound the musicians on a journey that today continues to impress both fans and critics. It is the efforts of this line-up that Decibel Magazine recently called  "crucial stylistic lynchpin in the bridge between metal and punk. CORROSION OF CONFORMITY irrevocably reshaped crossover's sonic possibilities. AllMusic.com notes, "C.O.C. weren't following any trends. They just incorporated all the things they liked about thrash, punk and 70's metal originators Black Sabbath into their constantly evolving sound. It secured them artistic and commercial credibility."

Candlelight's Steve Beatty says of the signing, "Animosity is one of my favorite records ever. To have C.O.C. on Candlelight with that line-up is simply mouth-watering. I saw the band in London recently and they did not disappoint. This hungry child can't wait for the record."

Candlelight's Edward Christie adds, "we are extremely excited to welcome the band to the label and are looking forward to an amazing album. We are all huge fans and this is truly a memorable day for all of us."

The band shares the excitement the immediate future holds. Woody Weatherman comments, "writing and recording this new record as a three-piece has been a blast. Having Reed back in the fold with Mike and I brings it around full circle. I'm really looking forward to all that lies ahead this upcoming year."

Reed Mullen adds, "Mike, Woody and I essentially learned how to play music together and cultivated our own style, sound, and unspoken language. Re-bonding with them musically has been the greatest thing that's ever happened to me."

In addition to intense work on the album, CORROSION OF CONFORMITY has kept busy in 2011 touring throughout the US and abroad. One of the main attractions at this year's Maryland Death Festival, the band mesmerized a salivating capacity audience. Sean Palmerston, editor for Canada's online magazine Hellbound, said, "I lapped this set up. It was like the tastiest comfort food after a hard day's work. I haven't listened to those classic C.O.C. albums in a long, long time. It put a smile on my face."

Mike Dean says of the new songs, "we have been overdubbing vocals and guitars in between our live dates for the better part of a year. Now it's time to mix. The process we started back in April is finally coming to fruition. The results should reflect all eras of the band's existence filtered through our current reality. This is a beast we can't wait to set free."

Formed in Raleigh, North Carolina in 1982, CORROSION OF CONFORMITY quickly transformed heavy music. Politically charged and socially aware,  the band has influenced countless others and today remains humble about their accomplishments. With over 1.1 million albums sold in the United States  alone, the new album will be their first since 2005's In The Arms Of God. On release, Billboard Magazine called the album a "riff-fueled set that ranks with
(the band's) best work."

THE DEVIL'S BLOOD To Release New Album Through METAL BLADE

Metal Blade Records is pleased to announce its union with THE DEVIL'S BLOOD, a hard rock band inspired by vintage metal and underground psychedelic rock of the days of yore. Metal Blade will be releasing the band's upcoming full-length album, The Thousandfold Epicentre, in North America on January 17, 2012. The Thousandfold Epicentre features 11 tracks produced with the help of Pieter Kloos at Void Studios (Eindhoven, The Netherlands).

Says founder and band leader SL: "We are very pleased to be able to announce our partnership with a partner so deeply rooted in tradition and at the same time willing and able to extend their borders to include THE DEVIL'S BLOOD. This industrious quality makes us feel we have chosen a partner who shall not sit idly by as their seeds are growing, but instead shall water the orchard with love and passion so the fruits may become sweet as damnation's wine. Our cult is growing, growing fast, and with the addition of Metal Blade to our family we shall endeavor to make the whole world dream the dreams of Death."

Adds Metal Blade Records head Brian Slagel: "THE DEVIL'S BLOOD has a sound that is quite unique in today's scene. Reminiscent of the classic metal and psychedelic rock bands of the '60s and '70s, THE DEVIL'S BLOOD has created a dark and haunting world made up of intriguing music, strong vocals and musicianship, reflective artwork, and a theatrical stage show that is not to be missed. We are extremely excited to be working with THE DEVIL'S BLOOD and look forward to releasing their upcoming full-length The Thousandfold Epicentre in North America this January."

SL comments further on the upcoming release: "The Thousandfold Epicentre has become a beautiful and horrible child, a child that is about to be offered up unto the Bull headed God. Within the flames of its creation we have heated our irons for the branding of the world. Within its words and music lies the entrance to the path towards the crossroads, towards the unending

singularity and beyond. Our children for Moloch! Hail Satan!"

DANAVA Tour Dates

Fresh off a full tour of Europe, Danava returns to the States for acoast-to-coast co-headlining tour with Thrones, kicking off tonight in San Francisco, CA.

Danava's latest album, *Hemisphere of Shadows,* was released October 4 on Kemado Records and earned these words from Decibel Magazine:

Yep, no denying it: Danava loves Sabbath. To its immense credit, however, the band chooses to kick it on the *Vol. 4* tip rather than open another franchise in the cottage industry of *Master of Reality* riff reheating. *Hemisphere of Shadows, *the follow-up to Danava'ss much-acclaimed 2008 effort *UnonoU*, also throws a wonderfully off-kilter early Alice Cooper vibe, the swagger of The Band's more upbeat cuts, and some serious guitar acrobatics into the
mix ” which is to say, the songs groove but remain unpredictable. Hallucinatory,
even.

DANAVA + Thrones:
Oct 12 - San Francisco, CA @ Bottom of the Hill
Oct 13 - Los Angeles, CA @ The Satellite
Oct 14 - San Diego, CA @ Soda Bar
Oct 15 - Phoenix, AZ @ Yellow Canary Dancehall
Oct 16 - Tucson, AZ @ Solar Culture
Oct 18 - San Antonio, TX @ The 1011
Oct 19 - Austin, TX @ Mohawk
Oct 20 - New Orleans, LA @ One Eyed Jacks
Oct 22 - Nashville, TN @ The End
Oct 23 - Atlanta, GA @ 529
Oct 25 - Baltimore, MD @ Golden West Cafe
Oct 26 - Philadelphia, PA @ Kung Fu Necktie
Oct 27 - Brooklyn, NY @ The Acheron
Oct 28 - Brooklyn, NY @ Union Pool
Oct 29 - Boston, MA @ Midway Cafe
Oct 30 - Providence, RI @ Machines with Magnets
Oct 31 - Portland, ME @ Space Gallery
Nov 1 - Montreal, QC @ Sala Rossa
Nov 2 - Toronto, ON @ The Garrison
Nov 3 - Detroit, MI @ Lager House
Nov 4 - Bloomington, IN @ Russian Recording
Nov 5 - Chicago, IL @ Empty Bottle
Nov 7 - Kansas City, MO @ Record Bar
Nov 8 - Omaha, NE @ The Waiting Room
Nov 9 - Denver, CO @ The Hi Dive
Nov 12 - Seattle, WA @ Comet Tavern

GRAVE DESECRATOR Sign to PULVERISED Records

Brazilian death metallers GRAVE DESECRATOR have officially joined the Pulverised Records extreme metal family! Formed in 1998 and backed by two full-length albums and a string of EPs, GRAVE DESECRATOR remains one of the few remaining Brazilian acts true to its untamed and barbaric form of death metal darkness.

Commented bassist Necrogoat on the union: "We're really ravished to be signed with Pulverised Records, a label that really fits to our music in terms of ideological aspects and works professionally. We are sure this partnership will result in a tormenting sonic deliverance that will lead you all to a thunderous and malignant holocaust! The new album shall come in 2012, and we promise it will not disappoint! It will contain lots of good surprises on it, but with the same infamous essence we have become known for! We are really eager for this release! We are the BRAZILIAN BLACKEST METAL MASSACRE!"

Added Pulverised Records' A&R Manager Calvin Chiang also added: "Anyone with a knowledge of traditional Brazilian death metal will know most distinguishing quality: its rabid, unstoppable force of christ-bashing sonic blasphemy. GRAVE DESECRATOR is of course no exception and we believe the follow-up to (2012) Insult will definitely exceed our expectations. GRAVE DESECRATOR shall carry the burning flag of old school Brazilian death  metal up high and be prepared for one of the most lethal death metal albums in 2012!"

WOODEN SHJIPS Tour Dates

TOUR DATES:

Nov 5 Chicago, IL Empty Bottle w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 6 Detroit, MI Magic Stick Lounge w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 7 Toronto, ON Horseshoe Tavern w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 8 Montreal, QC La Sala Rossa w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 9 Cambridge, MA TT The Bear's w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 10 Brooklyn, NY Music Hall of Williamsburg w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 11 Philadelphia, PA Kung Fu Necktie
Nov 12 Raleigh, NC Kings Barcade w/Birds Of Avalon

Wooden Shjips - Lazy Bones from Thrill Jockey Records on Vimeo.

GOKUTSUBUSHI Forever!!!

A couple of years ago a Japanese label called Captain Trip sent me this package with a handful of jewels. From the bunch, the one I remember the most was an album called Syouhu Wo Awaremu Uta from a freaky band called Gokutsubushi.

Gokutsubishi has the habit of freaking out in about every single song, usually after they have played the blues for a good five minutes. I especially love the vocals which are super gruff and rowdy but even more especially, I love the guitars. Like every other good hard rock blues psyche band Gokutsubushi have an articulate axeman who loves jerking off on his guitar.

Nowadays I can't find the CD, but I often revert back to it accidentally. For some reason my Ipod has the habit of repeating one track. Not sure what the track  is called as the characters are in Japanese.

BLACK COBRA Live Dates With KYUSS LIVES

The previously-announced second leg of the Kyuss Lives! North American tour dates this November, featuring BLACK COBRA and The Sword in support, has just expanded to include five brand additional dates including Los Angeles at the beginning of the tour, and four new East Coast shows at the end of the tour (Baltimore, MD, New Haven, CT, Huntington, NY, Montclair, NJ).

BLACK COBRA w/ Kyuss Lives!, The Sword:
11/17/2011 House of Blues - San Diego, CA
11/18/2011 Wiltern Theatre - Los Angeles, CA **
11/19/2011 The Regency Ballroom - San Francisco, CA
11/21/2011 Roseland Theatre - Portland, OR w/ YOB
11/22/2011 Showbox SODO - Seattle, WA w/ YOB
11/23/2011 Commodore Ballroom - Vancouver, BC
11/26/2011 Flames Central - Calgary, AB
11/27/2011 Edmonton Event Centre - Edmonton, AB
11/29/2011 Garrick Centre - Winnipeg, MB
11/30/2011 First Avenue - Minneapolis, MN
12/01/2011 Turner Ballroom - Milwaukee, WI
12/02/2011 Vic Theatre - Chicago, IL
12/03/2011 Crofoot Ballroom - Pontiac, MI
12/05/2011 The Palace Theater - Greensburg, PA
12/06/2011 Town Ballroom - Buffalo, NY
12/07/2011 Ramâ's Head Live - Baltimore, MD **
12/08/2011 Toadâ's Place - New Haven, CT **
12/09/2011 The Paramount - Huntington, NY **
12/10/2011 Wellmont Theatre - Montclair, NJ **
[** = newly announced tour date]

So I Renewed My Subscription to DECIBEL Magazine

So after only a couple of months of having cancelled my Decibel subscription I had to renew it. There was no way around it.

First, I kept on getting these e-mails regarding the upcoming issues and those kinda got me thinking and jonesing.  Second, three issues that followed the issue with Electric Wizard on the cover were so great  (Chuck Schuldiner, Ghost & Pentagram) I found myself making frequent visits to Barnes & Noble. Considering that the retail price plus the gas consumed adds up to quite a bit more than the per issue price of a subscription should have been enough to rethink my cancellation.

But the most important factor regarding my renewal was the fact that as far as metal writing goes there is no mag that comes even close to Decibel. If there is anything that Decibel has going for it is its editor Albert Mudrian. Period, the man has taste and the pull to gather the most talented staff. Also, as a side note, I am inclined to think that the few shit bands that get included in the mag are part of the price he has to pay to keep the mag afloat. I mean, the latest issue features Chimaira for fuck's sake!

Anyway, I have been reading metal mags since i was about eleven years old. I am hooked. So after I cancelled my subscription I thought I'd be able to replace Decibel with something else. There are a few great fanzines, but those don't come with the regularity of a real mag and would leave too much time in between without learning about underground music. The 'mainstream' (for lack of a better term) options available are not at all enticing; Revolver is for children and people with awful taste, Zero Tolerance comes in tiny size, is printed in eye-irritating colors and minuscule fonts and seems to have been designed by someone with Tourette's and Terrorizer's emphasis on folk and power metal gets on my balls, plus their design is fucking awful as well. And did I mention that Terrorizer and Zero Tolerance being imports cost $10. Fuck, not in this economy. Oh yeah, and then there is Hails & Horns, but please, does anyone read that shit?

So Decibel may be far from perfect  but still beats out the competition by a longshot. It is not only the writing - the finest I have seen regarding metal in my thirty odd years - but the well-thought out and always entertaining structure of the magazine (some of the regular columns are hit & miss but nothing is perfect) which elevates this periodical and puts it playing by its own standards. So yeah, I capitulate...

If You Ever Feel Like MEXICAN in TAMPA BAY

Around these parts people go crazy at the mere mention of TacoBus, which is for some reason an institution in the Bay Area. It is not that I don't like the food of the place, it is just that when I go there it is so packed it takes 15 minutes to find a decent table and secondly, and more importantly, the Hillsborough Ave. location smells like piss. Still, people love the dive and don't mind munching on a giant burrito right next to a puddle of brown water.

Not long ago I was driving around with nothing to do when I stumbled upon TacoSon, the mexican joint pictured above. I stopped by and have been back weekly ever since. The plates are delicious, big and super cheap. The place is also air conditioned and doesn't smell like a letrine. Also, their selection of hot sauces is much better than that of Taco Bus. TacoSon is located a bit out of the way, but believe me...it is worth the gas in bean farts.

The place is located here:

7521 N. 56th St.

Tampa, FL 33617

Endorsement: JALAPEñOS

My favorite recipe involving jalapeños is simple:

Two slices of bread
Turkey (not the shit kind sold at Wal Mart)
Cheap American cheese (you can actually replace this with any other kind of cheese. I don't give  a fuck)
Mustard

Mayo

Knife
Plate

Place one slice on top of the plate, add turkey, then squirt some mustard and spread mayo with the knife, then add some cheese, and top it with about three whole jalapeños sliced thickly. Finally, add the other slice. Take big bites, and swallow really fast or if you are a pussy, the roof of your mouth will get scorched.

I know that's kind of a stupid recipe but it's my favorite sandwich. Tastes better than hot dogs and Kobe beef burgers that go for about $20.

Anyway, time to finish watching The Lincoln Lawyer with Matthew McConaghuey. Marisa Tomei is also in it, hope she shows her tits.

BAJO LA PIEL - Watch It If You Find It

In this day and age, where almost every movie ever made is available for free download online, it is still impossible to find a link to this old Peruvian film, let alone a good quality hard copy.

I watched it for the first time a few years ago, after I found an old taped straight form the TV VHS copy at a small video store in Queens, NY. The movie is excellent, especially if what you dig are good thrillers. And I could notice all this, despite the fact that the image quality and even the audio where so shitty, there were entire segments where I could barely make out the actor's faces or hear exactly what they were saying.

The movie involves a small town cop who falls for a Spanish archeologist who likes to get fucked a bit too freely. The cop grows jealous and shit starts flying. Bajo La Piel is the  type of movie that Hitchcock would have made, had he been born in Peru. Bajo la Piel is also the type of movie that fucking Facets should have in its catalogue, but that tragically, it hasn't.

HESHER - Fuck the World and Fuck This Movie

I know we are supposed to be digging this movie just because it has some metal in it and because the lead character is played by the kid form 3rd Rock From the Sun, but for reals, I could only stand about the first twenty minutes of it, which by all means were actually pretty funny. It was not that the movie took a turn for the worse, but that it actually didn't go anywhere.

There is this kid, right? He gets shit in school, his dad is played by the goofy flabby guy from The Office and he has a beard because I guess when your family dies, you just stop shaving, because that means you don't give a shit. And then there's his grandma, who is this old bitch that really doesn't count and actually only comes into play in the last part of the movie.

Anyway, he misses his mom because she just died in a car accident. Enter Hesher, a long-haired hippy who prefers shitty tattoes and really, truly doesn't give a shit about anything or anyone. Hesher just hangs around, without a shirt and really just speaks non sense for a good while. Not much happens then. Oh yeah, there is Natalie Portman who is all made up to look like a dorky ugly, and actually the kid is in love with her, but inevitably, it is Hesher who ends up putting his pecker up her bird nest...  Anyway, this movie sucks. Fuck it...it sucks almost as much as the Iron Lamb record, which I am listening to right now, and actually, really fucking sucks. 

CELDA 211 - Recommended Viewing

I have thought several times about cancelling Netflix. Especially since they spiked their prices and didn't even bother sending me a notice.  Mostly it's because I don't get to watch too many good movies.

Lately, this Spanish film was able to captivate me. That's kind of a prissy word, ain't it? Anyway, you get the idea. Good plot, good acting. Very tense film. Not a lot of fighting, but enough build up to compensate for the lack of physical violence.

I guess Celda 211 won a few awards in Spain. The eyebrows of Luis Tosar should have gotten their own statue. Motherfucker is hairy. Bald but hairy. Which is like the biggest irony God ever created...if he exists. Otherwise we can just say life sucks...

Anyway, I tend to like movies where the protagonist/good guy dies. And that happens in this one. Not only that, but so does his pregnant girlfriend.  I hope I didn't just ruin the experience for you...

BRåKIN BRåK, Stupidest Black Metal Cover EVER

No joke, these ruskies are for real. Because nothing spells grimness, and blackness and evil like a bunch of goofy animals dancing....

Wait a minute, is that a fox playing a violin?

...and how about them squirrels, eh? They are so cute!

LOS SAICOS, ¡Demolición! The Complete Recordings

Was home about fifteen years ago and read an article in some glossy mag about this band, which apparently no one had bothered listening to in at least twenty years. It had taken a small Spanish boutique label to unearth all their recordings. They had pressed 500 10 inch vinyls, which sufficed to include the totality of their work.

A few of these copies had made it down south, so I rushed to Galerias Brasil to score my own. I paid $20. Once I heard it, I was blown away.

Years and years have passed. The Black Lips helped spread the word and now their work is being reissued left and right, remastered and cleaned. My 10 inch copy sounds like shit; jumps, skips, not so virginal sounds taken straight out of the 45's. Just how it should be.

Demolition

I Never Forgot How Great They Were - REVEREND BIZARRE

I Forgot How Great They Were - SLEATER KINNEY

ANNTHENNATH, States of Liberating Departure Out Through WOHRT Records

BLACKDEATH, Jesus Wept Out Through WOHRT Records

DAEMONLORD, Godless Prayers - Out Through WOHRT Records

FALLING DOWN IIV Comp - Coming soon

These French fellas have been putting out these awesome comps for a while and now they are getting closer to unleash the latest edition. As it was with the previous comps, Falling Down includes previously unreleased tracks from some pretty great artists, Karma to Burn, Rosetta, Black Sun, Year of No Light, even my countrymen of Ayahuasca Dark Trip. 

Check the trailer below...