COBY Sucks - Fuck COBY

A few weeks ago I spent too much time searching for a walkman. I went to Walmart and couldn't fine one. The old white haired lady I approached looked clueless. When I asked for the artifact she asked me to follow her and we ended up at the produce section. I went to Best Buy and they laughed at me. Literally, these two  bitches just looked at each other and then at me and then bursted out laughing. They made me feel old. Which I am not. And I went to Hhgregg, this new electronics store that is replacing Circuit City, and they didn't even know what i was talking about. 'A walk what?', asked me a young twenty-something who seemed to be wearing his grandfather's spectacles. 

I searched online but most new walkmans were quite expensive. In Amazon you can find lots of good ones but I hate waiting around for stuff so typically, if I can't get it right there and then I forget about it. So one day, after hitting the supermarket I went next door to Radio Shack, where shit is overpriced but you can occasionally find stuff no one but geeks care to buy and they had it. A walkman. Or cassette player, as the clerk referred to it. Coby was the only brand they sold so I had no choice but to shell out $25. There were a few tapes waiting to be reviewed so past the fleeting feeling I'd been had, I got excited. 

First disappointment? The headphones absolutely suck. Nothing, absolutely nothing sounds good with this piece of shit headphones. But that was no big deal. Just plug in the good ones and matter solved. I figured, I am paying for the machine not for this tiny little and super cute speakers.  In the weeks that followed, I only used the walkman four times. It has been sitting around in my desk. Idle, but new. Reminding me that I still have a few tapes to review and that Dove tape released by Financial Ruin to enjoy.

Last Sunday I picked it up. I was laying around getting ready to go to bed when I decided to finally check out the Dove tape. I put it on and rested my head on the pillow. Nothing. Silence followed. Got up. Reasoned it might be the batteries which probably needed to be changed. I did. Like three times. I took the batteries from every single remote control in the house and nothing worked. I knew the last pair of batteries was good so I took the tape out and pushed Play. Every time I did that the spindle would actually Fast Forward. I was pissed. The piece of shit. The piece of fucking shit Coby walkman. Now I got six tapes to review and I can't do anything about it but wait until Friday, date when the Sony walkman I bought from Amazon is supposed to arrive. It cost me $45. Shit.