Saturday, October 30, 2010


HEAVY ARTILLERY RECORDS is pleased to announce the signing of San Francisco traditional hard rock and heavy metal purveyors MIDNIGHT CHASER. Forged in the blast furnaces of Pittsburgh and tempered in the waters of the San Francisco Bay comes a new force in the art of badass; enter MIDNIGHT CHASER! Influenced by the gods of 70's and 80's hard rock and heavy metal, MIDNIGHT CHASER was originally conceived of by guitarist Stephen Lauck and bassist "Texas" Josh Hunt while both still living in Pittsburgh, the Rust Belt of Pennsylvania. However it wasn't until both rockers found themselves relocated to the fog cloaked Bay Area of California that MIDNIGHT CHASER began to take shape.

First recruiting the steam hammer drumming skills of Brandon Thomas, the pair immediately knew that they had found the missing piece of their rhythm section that they had been searching for. All that was lacking now was a voice that could suitably realize their ambitions. Unsatisfied with the pool of vocal talent in their new surroundings they imported fellow Pittsburgh native Scott Atwood in order to fill the final void and complete that which is MIDNIGHT CHASER. The line-up finally completed, the band whipped themselves into a creative furor, writing and rehearsing original material while playing shows up and down the West Coast, rocking any venue that would have them from bars and theaters to strip clubs and basements.

Fans of early hard rock and heavy metal such as Judas Priest, Deep Purple, Saxon and Diamond Head take note! Having completed recording their debut full length album, tentatively scheduled for a February 2011 release on HEAVY ARTILLERY RECORDS, MIDNIGHT CHASER is now ready to hit the rest of the world like a runaway train.

German Thrash Metallers NECRONOMICON Release Double Vinyl

German Thrash Metallers NECRONOMICON have released a special edition vinyl of the band's first album on High Roller Records.  The self-titled album was first released on CD in 1986, and the vinyl release includes not only the original 8 tracks, but also NECRONOMICON's 1985 Blind Destruction demo and two additional tracks that have appeared on different compilations.

The double LP comes in a heavy gatefold cover, embossed with the band logo, and with a cardboard lyric insert. It is limited to 666 copies, with the first 100 copies on gold vinyl and including a free woven patch, while the next 200 are on a silver/black blend vinyl, and the remaining 366 copies on black vinyl. 

Full track listing as follows:
Side 1
1. Dark Land
2. Possessed By Evil
3. Bloody Revenge
4. Insanity
Side 2
5. Blind Destruction
6. Hades Invasion
7. Magic Forest
8. Iron Charm
Side 3
9. Intro / Iron Charm
10. Possessed By Evil
11. Insanity
12. Blind Destruction
Side 4
13. Bloody Revenge
14. Possessed By Evil
15. Blind Destruct

Formed in Southern Germany in 1983 by front man Freddy, and then members Axel and Lala, NECRONOMICON is one of Germany's longest running Thrash Metal bands, whose founder members started out on the Punk scene, but who developed a love of Thrash Metal and steered the band in a completely new direction.  Since then NECRONOMICON has garnered a strong following both in Europe and world-wide.  The band is currently in the studio working on their seventh album, which will be a double CD and will include both live tracks and acoustic songs.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hipsters and Whoever Else Cut the Fucking Lame Ninja and Zombie References

Sorry, this is a total fecking rant here. It must be said, I feel, so spread this article around. Fads, ah yes, the bane of the underground at every point in history. You know how it is, stuff is cool until the GAP starts selling it, or one of their stupid stores (Hot Topic, etc.). Now, sometimes I don't mind fads that play on the underground, provided they occasionally give nod back to where they came from. Hmmm, then again I don't think I can name a time where that's happened. Anyway, there are two things that have been getting on my nerves over the past two years or so. This, my friends, would be the obsession with referencing ninjas and zombies that keeps flying around popular culture and has become such a static part of America it makes me fucking sick. Let me explain why.


Thankfully I don't need to go into the history of the term, we all know what ninjas are. The history you may not be aware of, however, is where 'ninja' started to really enter the American mind. Ninjas started to form in popular consciousness around the time of the big kung-fu movie craze in the 70s. With awesome shows like "Kung Fu" and movies like "Five Deadly Venoms", martial arts spread. You'll notice already, there is no real mention of 'ninja' yet. This is because the character really doesn't start to enter the hipster shitload until the 1980s, riding on the ass of kung-fu. This first wave of ninjaness occured with a variety of horrible, and thus awesome, B-movies such as the shameless "Enter the Ninja" of 1981. These beautiful, pirate-video-game-art-styled masterpieces lasted until the mid-90s with stuff like "Nightmaster" (yes the Nicole Kidman is in it) breaking records in the straight-to-video box office, and allowing all of us who appreciate shitty movies enjoy this 'ninja' thing.

Then, of course, we can't ignore the popularity of stuff like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the rise of the rip-offs with such awesome results as Biker Mice from Mars and Stone Protectors. Lesser known influences include the ninja "martial arts" phenomenon that gained headway through suspect book companies like Paladin Press, with infamous "how to guides" like Ashida Kim's Ninja Mind Control. This led to the acknowledgement of several "ninja schools" with members such as Stephen K. Hayes, who claim to practice the "true" ancient art, though it's pretty much a total forking joke. In fact, true story, a friend of mine once took part in a ninja training camp by one of the guys who trained under Hayes. During practice on the first fucking day, he asked to have one of the students approach and strangle him so he can reveal a secret ninja method for getting out of a full-on, double-handed choke. So, my buddy comes up, lays his hands on his throat, and watches as he turns purple, eventually yelling to him (hands still on throat), "you're scaring me, I'm going to let go now".

Anyway, so bascially all of the above, aside from my self-aborbed comments, is behind the public's perception of the "ninja". What has happened over the past two decades is a slow trickling of the term into a variety of fucking annoying situations. For example, you can set your Myspace mood to "ninja", adjust your Gmail account so there are little fucking cute ninjas all over the place, go 'ninja' when you want to steal a Pop-Tart from a roommate, any situation that requires stealth or sneakiness that you don't fucking have in the first place. Can we please stop using this term where it doesn't apply? It's getting out of goddamn hand. For example, I was reading through a shitty indie rock band's interview in a local shit paper when I noticed the one guy referring to the other's 'ninja booking skills'. If this means being able to book a pizza parlor where no one listens to you and turn up the televisions to drown out your shit, I'm pretty sure you need to watch the entire American Ninja series.

So please, can we stop with this? Most of the people calling this and that 'ninja' are fucking losers who can barely walk a mile let alone scale walls, hold their breath underwater, or make cool smoke bombs out of magnesium. And then there are other times when it doesn't even fucking mean anything. Ever see that juice commercial where cranberries are referred to as the 'ninja fruit'? So what, it rips your throat open with a sickle or poisons some throwing stars and tosses them in your face? What the hell is that supposed to mean anyway? Obviously something about being an antioxidant, but ummm, wild blueberries then totally school cranberries and win the title, making the latter something more like the 'drummer boy' fruit.

Fucking hipsters, it's getting old, kill it and let me go back to living in my cave and watching "Ninja the Protector" before you find out about it and ruin my life. At least the fad seems to only exist in application, not actually delving into the underground B-movie wonderland of the ninja in America, so that's part's not ruined. If one of these hipsters rode around on a fucking motorcyle with a fucking swinging sickle like this dude below, I'd let them say whatever they fucking wanted.


I can handle the ninja thing sometimes, but there's something even worse, zombies. I doubt I need to go into much detail with the history of this, so rampant is it in popular culture. It started out quite awhile ago, in fact, but it wasn't until the release of movies like "Night of the Living Dead", that the zombie really started to enter popular consciousness. This fad slowly grew, but it remained largely under the surface for some time, something you might see at a drive-in and talk about a little and maybe joke about. Not until the late 90s did you really see the idea of the 'zombie' creeping into places it didn't belong. As more movies came out and big-budget remakes like the newer, horrible, "Dawn of the Dead" hit theaters, the zombie started to become more of a permanent fixture. And I mean more than a cool Halloween costume, more than something to watch alone, something to ninja about...

Fucking zombie. I don't have to say much here. Let me explain it with examples. Ever see a bunch of hipsters go on a fucking zombie bar run where they dress up like zombies and get some drinks? No, well how about shit like The Zombie Survival Guide, which some crank managed to write up and somehow convince someone to publish? Yeah, it's a real fucking book, look up again. Ever hear hipsters talking about their 'zombie escape plans' at a show? How about a zombie 5k run where you run a normal marathon with a bunch of idiots dressed as zombies behind you, mainly walking, but some running for a few yards until they realize how out of shape they are? Here's a fucking flyer, it's a real thing:

Seriously? When did the zombie become so fucking lame? Have any of you watched something like "Return of the Living Dead 3"? You know, the movie where the girl's father does some military testing, she gets infected, and then keeps away the 'hunger' by sticking glass and metal into herself until she looks like a complete freak?

Ever actually sit through "Dead Alive"? Or, even better, did you even fucking know about it before "Lord of the Rings" triology came out? And one more, ever watch Zombie Lake just to laugh at the unnecessarily long, under-the-water bush shots and the incredible lack of a time line? You know, it's like the 1980s, and there's this one little girl who's father is one of the zombies, but he died during World War II? I bet you've never even seen this gem:

Yes, that's green paint, and yes it's a real movie you never knew about because you're a hipster. What gets me the most about this fad is that it's a bunch of people doing what everyone else is doing because it seems cool now. And even more annoying is the few of them stepping slightly into cool Zombie Lake places, pretending they understand why it's awesome. Why can't you people ever do something because you think it's cool? I don't really give a shit to the extent that my zombie love has been tainted like my ninja love, much as my love for Immortal after seeing a shirt sold at Hot Topic, but it's fucking annoying as piss. People making zombie jokes, fucking books about the imaginary fucking creature on how to kill them in your imagination, cut the shit out. It's not cool anymore, it crossed that line about five years ago. Fuck you.

I guess my main problem is, as I get older, I see lots of the things I chose to do for me becoming "cool" now just because a group of losers has arbitrarily decided it should be so over time. Most of these scum no little of anything I talked about above, and those that do share the same disgust as me. So stop with the ninjas, cut the zombies, and leave me alone. You're attacking me by proxy.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


I would like to take a few seconds to endorse this amazing sauce. The first time I tried it, this criminal that my cousin was dating brought it to the house. I think he was trying to poison us or something. I, very macho like, poured like half a bottle onto my arroz con pollo and next thing I knew I was puking in the restroom.

Don't get me wrong, the sauce is delicious. Absolutely magnificent. Fanatics of extreme sensations will love Insanity. Lovers of spicy foods can extract all flavors of their chimichangas and intract (i don't think that's a word) the tastiest most powerful hot sauce this stomach can stomach. Pussies, stay the fuck away!

A few weeks ago I was spending a boring Sunday morning at some redneck-infested flea market when I ran into it. Literally, I hit my head against a rack displaying hot sauces from all corners of the world.  When I saw the bottle, the surreal orange sauce, the red pepper all cool chillin' in the sun, all those memories came back to me. My reddened face, the gag reflex, the clean water toilet turning green from the arroz con pollo, tears and hot sweat. The fucker at the flea market was selling it for $8. I obliged.

Just last week I was shopping at Wal-Mart. I don't usually frequent such places, but they just opened a store by the house and someone told me that their chorizo prices are unbeatable. The sign is different. It is green and it actually reads 'neighborhood market' like it is run a by a mustachoed dude out of his bedroom. The inside is the same; spacious aisles, expired bakery products, foreign fruits, and lots of fat people working unhappily. 

Anyway, while looking for a new flavor of Tabasco I found Insanity. The price? $3.50. I was pissed. The fucking redneck at the flea market ripped me off. Like Insanity was some sort of specialty. It is not. they sell it at Wal-Mart.

Now I eat Insanity every day. I add it to everything that is not sweet. Rice. Soup. Hot dogs. Jalapeños.  Steak. I even pour it on top of Tabasco sauce. Insanity makes all your foods taste better. If by better you mean no flavor but a scorching hot sensation, peeling the roof of your mouth and making your asshole bleed. But it is delicious.

Monday, October 25, 2010

DARK DESCENT Records Set To Release UNCONSECRATED Slave to theGrave 7-Inch

Spain's UNCONSECRATED rise from the grave to deliver a brand new 7" vinyl EP courtesy of Dark Descent Records. Slave to the Grave delivers four original tracks of bludgeoning, skull-fracturing death metal with a thundering guitar tone and gut-ripping vocals reminiscent of the Swedish death metal glory days! Limited to only 500 copies, Slave to the Grave will be unearthed on October 31st.

Highly recommended for fans of Dismember, Carnage and Nihilist! Of the 500 copies being pressed, 100 will be on green vinyl with gold/yellow opaque swirl and be available exclusively through the Dark Descent Records webstore and 40 copies will be on pitch black vinyl. The band and label are both currently streaming one track from the EP, "Buried in the Crypt," on their respective Myspace pages.


Sunday, October 24, 2010


The long awaited VASAELETH (USA) / VORUM (Fin) Profane Limbs of Ruinous Death split EP has been released through Negative Existence. The split showcases one new orthodox, true death metal song from each band.

VASAELETH is the true hand of death. Their works are raw, crushingly heavy, minimalistic, and drenched in cold and evil atmosphere. Members of LEGIONS OF ASTAROTH and DAGON unite to create sinister, murky, and brutal sounds that will fill the void left by Autopsy, Rottrevore and early Incantation.

VORUM embodies the fundamental elements that spawned the genre: Speed, heaviness, and aggression. They are a monolith of discontinuity that today's scene so desperately needs... Dexterously poised amidst Demigod, Abhorrence and Nihilist, VORUM beget early 1990's Scandinavian death metal in its purest sense.

This unholy assemblage is presented fittingly on an antiquated medium and comes in a stunning metallic blue and black jacket with insert. Cover art and design by Alexander L. Brown / BNB Illustration & Design (Witchrist, Cruciamentum etc...). Mastering completed by HND certified Resonance Sound Studio UK (Lie In Ruins, Caïna, Bestial Detestation, Servorum etc...).

Saturday, October 23, 2010

KEITH MORRIS Throbblehead Figure

Keith Morris, legendary frontman of Black Flag, The Circle Jerks and now OFF!, has been throbble-ized! This figure capturing Keith in full-on live mode is limited to 1000 numbered units, stands at 7 inches tall, and is made of super strong polyresin. While the figure is labeled a Throbblehead, it's actually Keith's arm that does all the movement, aggressively pointing towards his mind. Displayed in a window box, Keith is accurately sculpted right down to the dreads, Vans, and "fuck you" stare.

If you have the cash, you can buy it here...

All throbblehead figures are distributed by MVD Entertainment Group - a company specializing in music-related distribution since 1986 - and DKE Toys - a wholesale distributor of urban / vinyl / designer art / objects / toys / figurines. Keith Morris is the eighth punk personality to be polyresinated by Aggronautix. In May of 2009, the company launched with a highly popular G.G. Allin "1991" figure, which was limited to 2000 numbered units. All Aggronautix figures are now available for purchase on

Friday, October 22, 2010

NAPALM Records Signs BRANT BJORK - Whaaaaaatttt?????

Brant Bjork: "Es freut mich sehr, dass ab sofort Napalm Records mir in meiner Arbeit in der Rock-N-Roll Welt hilfreich zur Seite stehen werden. Viele Dank an alle, die mich all die Jahre in meiner Unabhängigkeit begleiten haben. Euer Support hat mir direkt und indirekt geholfen, diese neue Chance zu ergreifen. Danke auch an Napalm, dass sie den Mut und das Wissen aufbringen, mit einem Künstler wie mir zu arbeiten...und vor allem...vielen Dank an alle, die meine Shows besucht und meine Platten gekauft haben! Ihr alle seid der Grundstein für meine musikalische Reise. Vielen Dank!

We are guessing that translates to:

The grand master of rock signed a worldwide recording deal with Napalm Records and the new overdose of riffs and grooves will be ready in 2011! Brant Bjork: "I am pleased to announce that I have joined the good people at Napalm Records for assistance in my contribution to the world of rock-n-roll. Thank you to all who have been with me through out my years of independence. Your direct and indirect support has lead me to this new opportunity. Thanks to Napalm for having the courage and insight to work with an artist such as myself...And most of all, thanks to all those who have attended my shows and purchased my recordings. You all are the cornerstone of my musical journey. Thank You."

Not sure what is it with the folks of Napalm Records –maybe they realized that you can only live so many years after consuming so much cheese - but now we welcome the news that they just signed Brant Bjork. Kinda. Bjork, as many shall know, was the drummer for Kyuss, Fu Manchu and others and has sloooooowly established himself as a solo artist. Along with Monster Magnet, Bjork stands out in the label’s roster as one of the few artists who don’t have a gothic chick at the mike singing in falsettos about fairies and elves. Good for him! At least he is in hot company.   

EXCRUCIATOR Announce Tour Dates + FREE Download

In support of their debut five track EP entitled By the Gates of Flesh, released by Heavy Artillery Records on October 12th, and in advance of their forthcoming full length album tentatively scheduled for release during spring 2011, Excruciator will be hitting the road for a string of
west coast tour dates. Dates are as follows:

November 7th Seattle, WA @ The Funhouse
November 8th Olympia, WA @ Charlie's Bar & Grill
November 9th Portland, OR @ Kelley's Olympian
November 10th Medford, OR @ TBA
November 11th Sacramento, CA @ Fire Escape
November 13th Escondido, CA @ Metaphor Café
November 15th Phoenix, AZ @ TBA
November 16th Flagstaff, AZ @ TBA
November 17th Los Angeles, CA @ TBA
November 18th Las Vegas, NV @ Divebar
November 19th Riverside, CA @ Common Ground w/ Witchaven
November 20th Berkley, CA @ 924 Gilman Street
November 21st Eugene, OR @ The Astoria

In conjunction with the upcoming tour Heavy Artillery Records is pleased to offer a free download of Excruciator's By the Gates of Flesh EP via the label's Bandcamp profile. By the Gates of Flesh is the second installment in the Heavy Artillery Wax Maniax Demo Series and it is strictly limited to 200 hand numbered vinyl mini lps and 500 cds.

Download By the Gates of Flesh its entirety for free here.

Here at Deaf Sparrow we would like to congratulate Excruciator for the artwork presented above. That's like the best shit ever...

MOSH POTATOES - Yet Another Book About Musicians and Their Dubious Culinary Skills

Music Industry veteran and metal musician Steve "Buckshot" Seabury brings you "Mosh Potatoes - Recipes, Anecdotes & Mayhem From The Heavyweights Of Heavy Metal". Almost 5 years in the making, Simon & Schuster the publisher, has moved the street date from November 30th to November 16th due to the heavy anticipation of the release. The book is now available for pre order online and will be available all of book stores, your favorite record stores and many mail order companies.

Seabury has set up a charity for the artist proceeds from each sale of the book to benefit The Meals on Wheels Charity. "This organization is very dear to my heart because it provides for so many great people, people like my own grandma. For the metal community to stand together and help these elderly people experiencing financial stress is a true blessing in my eyes." The Meals on Wheels Charity provides a great service by delivering over a million meals a day to senior citizens who are experiencing economic hardships or disabilities and cant afford to buy food.

Mosh Potatoes features 147 exciting recipes from legendary icons like Lemmy, Zakk Wylde and Lita Ford to the thrash titans of Pantera, Megadeth, Testament, Overkill and Anthrax to the hair metal bands of Guns & Roses, Dokken, LA Guns, Steel Panther, Twisted Sister to the mayhem of metal including Mudvayne, Lamb of God, Shadows Fall, Hatebreed and Devildriver to death metal pioneers of Napalm Death, Obituary, Death and Sepultura and the book wouldnt be complete without the future of the new school like Municipal Waste, Skeletonwitch, Lazarus AD, Evile and Moth Eater.

If you live for metal and like amazing food then you will without a doubt love Mosh Potatoes. So put the beers on ice, fire up the grill and Cook Out With Your Book Out!!!

For more information please check out the new Mosh Potatoes website at:

Video Teaser:


Pre Order on Amazon

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Worst Cover of the Year Award Goes to ...FORBIDDEN! Second Runner Up is MONSTER MAGNET!

Maybe cover artwork is not the artform it once was. What with all this fucking digital age, kids only care about compressed music. Oh yeah, and it's got to be free too. But anyway, I got into music because my dickish older brother had a pretty decent collection of vinyl that included records by Slayer, Metallica, Celtic Frost and Iron Maiden. As a kid I spent countless hours waiting for him to leave the house just so that I could stare at these sleeves for hours and I could spin that wonderful scent-less black acetate.  Partly my love for metal came from that, what could now be considered blown up artwork with wonderful details, paintings in which one could get lost trying to decipher and to find the smallest details. 

But now, who is going to spend time staring at Photoshop artwork in their Ipods or MP3 players? No one, that's who. Even in you computer, even in your giant monitor, how much time have you spent staring at record covers?

But anyway, times have changed. And if only a couple of weeks back I was surprised to see that the new Monster Magnet record, Mastermind, boasts a Photoshop cover that shits all over our beloved bullgod... I am surprised to see that semi legendary California thrash metal band Forbidden have upped the ante as far as shitty artwork is concerned. Sure, none of their previous albums had artwork that one would be particularly proud of, but with their comeback Omega Wave they have just gotten everything they could have gotten wrong. I did a quick search and ended up in a Blabbermouth post that revealed this artwork to the public. You have got to read the comments, most of which actually praise this turd. Personally, I have got to say, this is my candidate for worst record cover of the year.

And for those who doubt the objectivity of handling awards this early in the year let me say with all confidence that even if we were only in April we would still be quite certain that this record takes the cake home. This cover sucks!

Thursday, October 14, 2010


A few months ago I wrote a piece for Deaf Sparrow Zine regarding a bunch of reissues from the polish label Metal MInd. Among them, In Mourning, the excellent Florida death metal classic from Tampa's own Brutality. A few weeks before this I was visiting a friend at the record store he works at and he mentioned that Brutality guitarist Larry Sapp is no longer a Larry and that he had been around the store just days before in his new woman persona.  I did a bit of research before I wrote this piece for a reissues feature in the zine and found out something about the feud between Sapp and bassist Jeff Acres in regards to the rights to the band, which I mentioned in the piece.

To my surprise, about a month later I received a letter from Sapp, the contents of which I copy below. The only part that has been taken out is Sapp's address and telephone number. Nothing else has been touched, corrected or supressed. Also included, at the bottom of this post, are a few pics sent by Sapp himself. I am sure he'd be delighted for you to see them.

Hello Deaf Sparrow. You might want to sit down for this.

My name is Raine Arguelles Von Kiszka.  I used to be Larry Sapp and I now once again am LEGAL part owner in Brutality with Don Gates and Jim Coker. Jeff Acres is no longer a Brutality mainstay. He's history.
I'm sorry Jeff has been feeding you some wrong information.
First off, I'm now a female. This is the only true thing Acres has spouted out, even though it was none of his business to do so.
Second off, Jeff only hates me because I came out in 2004. He was afraid I'd bring him out, so he made up all this crap about me ripping off the band. The truth is we were lovers from the beginning and he didn't want his wife/family to find out. Jeff will go to the grave calling me a fag when he's a homo himself.
The only reason Brutality got back together in 2002 was because Jeff Missed me. I missed him too, But again, Jeff only thinks about Jeff, He would always sneak over in the afternoon when his wife thought he was at work and we'd write music, I'd dress in girls clothes, and Then he would sexually ravage me. He was all over me.
Then, when I told him I was coming out, he blew his stack. He told me to fuck off and stay away. It hurt when he dumped me the first time for "musical differences", It hurt more the second time because I knew it  wasn't "musical differences", it was just him afraid of being called gay, queer, fag.............

I never intended to betray anyone, especially any fans, I only said I died because of people like Jeff. I called him up a few months ago and told him to bring it on and he declined a match with me because he knows I'll kick his ass. He'll talk major shit behind my back but when I confront him with the crap he says, he cowers like a beat dog.
You ask anyone who was around in '86-'91 and they'll tell you I started, financed, and ran Brutality. Jeff thought of the name. He never put a penny of his own money into ANYTHING Brutaliy related-EVER. It was always someone else flipping the bill. I also know for a fact that he has been putting every penny of all royalties in his own pocket without paying ANY other members like Don Gates, Jim Coker, The Hipp Family(Brian's dead, give his family his royalties). He's even fucking the dead.

I was surprised to see an out pouring of support from the fans when they finally knew the whole story, and I like to take this time to thank them.
Feel free to print any or all of this email. Here are all of my contacts just in case you want to speak to me directly, I'll tell you what ever you want to know about Jeff’s kinky side.

Raine Von Kiszka
I'm also on myspace under music. look for The Gravesiders-we just recorded our debut album at morrisound-would you like to review a copy?  If you talk to Jeff, tell him I still want my match, I'll mop the floor with him.

Here's some pictures of me now so every one will see what Jeff was so ga-ga about.

PEACEVILLE Records to Re-Release Classic DARKTHRONE Album, PANZERFAUST On 2-CD and Vinyl Editions Out Later This Month.

Great Britain’s independent heavy metal powerhouse, Peaceville Records, will begin releasing new editions of classic Darkthrone albums later this month from the recently acquired Moonfog Productions catalogue titles. The first re-issue, Panzerfaust, - Darkthrone’s fifth album overall - will be released as a double-disc set and individually numbered vinyl (2000) on October 25th. The 2-CD edition includes a bonus disc featuring commentary from Darkthrone’s infamous drummer/lyricist, Fenriz, for a first hand perspective behind the creation of the 1995 Frost-fuelled black metal masterpiece.

Additionally, Peaceville Records will re-issue the rare second Isengard release, Høstmørke (1995), on October 25th. The album, which was performed entirely by Fenriz, also features a special commentary disc conducted by Fenriz, reflecting on the recording process, as well as an insight into the time of the recording.
Panzerfaust and Høstmørke can be pre-ordered now at the Peaceville webstore at:

Monday, October 11, 2010

10 Ten Reasons Why DIY Music Sucks and Rules (At the Same Time)

If you're into music, and I mean more than Limp Bizkit, chances are you've heard of the whole "DIY ethic". Simply put, anyone can make music, be a band, run a venue, or start a record label. If you want to get involved, there are plenty of resources to make things much simpler than in the 80s and early 90s. This is at once a blessing and a curse. Why? Allow me to explain with my list, which includes ten reasons for DIY Music sucking and ruling. I say "at the same time" in the title because each category given below can either suck or rule, so really it's two lists in one. Let's find out why DIY is a spreading plague and ambrosia. I'll be starting in each section with the aspect of ruleage, and then promptly explain the suck.

10. Zines

Why they rule.

I'm not really sure why I put this at the bottom, but it feels like it holds the least amount of importance. Mainly because it's not important anymore. You've seen them, you've read them, you may have even started them. DIY Music magazines, commonly referred to as "zines", were once the bread and butter of the scene, and a major factor in growth early on. Metal Blade, in fact, was basically started by a guy who ran a zine. Long ago, zines were the primary way to learn about the underground. In the world of death metal, for example, they had a function similar to Myspace. Inside, along with cool interviews and reviews, you could find information on bands you wouldn't have access to otherwise. Keep in mind that before the internet, learning something about a band like Nocturnus would be nearly impossible, and zines helped fill this gap.

Why they suck.

Unfortunately, they aren't really zines anymore. eZines would be more accurate in most cases. There are a number still in print, and though production may be cheaper, most people avoid hard copies. Would you buy something with a beer bottle next to an upside-down cross made out of popsicle sticks on the cover? If you want to find information about obscure bands all you have to do is plug that shit into a search. Why in the hell would you need to buy this anymore? The only zines that try to keep it going are usually of the 'anarchist' variety, which means tons of shitty syntax and philosophical articles that reiterate things said for years that are never done. Since most of these "zines" function online, what's the point of printing? Lots of sites still carry the title of "zine", but this is mainly a superficial tradition, an attachment to what they once were. Nothing wrong with saying you're an eZine, but when it comes down to it, you're really nothing more than what we call a website.

9. Resources

Why they rule.

A long time ago, to really go anywhere in music, you pretty much had to have a label backing your work. Making it on your own was not an easy task. Getting the proper print shop or contact for distribution was aggravating to say the least. Most people were using what was popular at the time, the cassette. Self-made CD-Rs weren't very accessible and making your own LPs was pretty much out of the question unless you knew how to find a company to do it. Today, all of this easy. As CDs have grown to replace LPs and cassettes in terms of popularity, if you still want to release your stuff on the latter two it's incredibly cheap, and you don't need a label. Plus CD-Rs help struggling, god-awful bands to feel like they have "CDs" to sell. Do a couple of searches on the internet and you have quick access to a number of companies who can print all of these for you in low runs for cheap prices. If you're looking to go DIY, it won't take as much work as it used to. That's good, but not all the time.

Why they suck.

This one is a little tricky. Resources today are cheap and easy to access in most cases. Problem? Problem is anyone can do it. That includes people that shouldn't be doing it in the first place and bands who are best left sucking themselves off instead of making the rest of the world engage in fellating their pointlessness. Make things cheaper and easier to access, and you're gauranteed to have a diarrheal load of people who lack professionalism, take your money, forget to send shit, make crappy cassettes they throw around at festivals, and otherwise gum up the world of music. That up there is a common sight, a box of sinister disease ready to plug your colon for a burst of blood and shit when you least expect it. With cheapness in materials comes cheapness in creativity, and this is a big problem for music today. Hell, this isn't just in underground music either, you find the same thing with indie bands. Easy resource access is pretty much the black death to music. Well, maybe not that, let's call it dysentery for now since I'm on a shit kick. What did they call that back in the day, something like the flux.

8. CD-Rs

Why they rule.

Who hasn't seen them and used them? I was in a band in my early college days, and you better believe we put out a self-packaged CD-R. The great thing about them is they're so damn cheap. Anyone can make their own, and it doesn't matter how terrible the content is; just get the proper files, burn that crap, and sell it how you want. CD-Rs have made it easy for bands to spread their material. Plus, it's a little more professional than LPs and cassettes in appearance, or at least it seems that way. If you get your CD-Rs made by an actual factory, sometimes they look so close to a real CD it's hard to tell the difference. Cassettes and LPs are fine, don't get me wrong, but the majority of my music is on CD. Rarely do I say to myself, "I think I'll pull out that Boredoms LP". Nah, that stuff is for CD, blasted in the car as you drive around near a crowd of people outside of a mall. Thankfully, lots of great bands can be found at incredibly low prices on CD-R for your car-blasting pleasure. Why worry about getting signed when you can do it yourself and retain 100% of the profit?

Why they suck.

Unfortunately, let me reiterate, anyone can make them. CD-Rs are everywhere in DIY Music. Many smaller and middle-range bands, in fact, only carry CD-Rs. Problem with CD-Rs is there's no quality control and nothing to stop the flow of shit. It's not like your computer will say "No, this cannot be burned, this horrible bullshit must be removed from my drive." And factories don't really care what you're sending to print so long as you're paying for it. This isn't to say every real CD is good, but underground labels generally won't release anything too shitty because of the money involved in CD production. A label generally thinks something is worthy of print if it's on a real CD, if it's a CD-R, hmmm, well, it's pretty much up in the air and usually falls to the floor after I put it in. And please, bands out there, can you please stop saying "we have CDs for sale" when it's a CD-R. There's a huge fucking difference. They're not CDs, just call them what they are, and don't fucking argue it's easier to say CD. You're not signed. You suck. Get over the pretension and maybe someone will buy one. Cut the stupid hipster artwork too, it looks fucking stupid.

7. Going Digital

Why it rules.

We all know it, we all do it, we all pretend to hate it. Digital downloading is leading us into some future we'll probably regret. Like most of what you've already read, it's much cheaper and easier. Why pay for an actual release when you can just sell a bunch of MP3s through your own profile on iTunes? We all know the problem with modern music; labels keep releasing bands who are well past their prime, and there's nothing worse than paying full price for an album with only one good fucking song on it. There's a reason why Behemoth's album was named "Slaves Shall Serve". It's a natural evolution due to the public only being so stupid for so long. Why would I pay full price for an album when I can purchase the single, best song on it for about a quarter? This shit is like penny candy back in the day. Going digital makes it easy for bands to spread their music, send them to sites or magazines for review, you name it. Nothing is cheaper than free, and digital makes a good case for itself.

Why it sucks.

Sure, digital is cool because it's cheap and you can do it with little knowledge of the music industry. However, it greatly reduces quality. Anyone can create a 'net label', and we all know what that omnious term means; tons of shitty bands with no real business obligation to give a shit about them. It's just a mass of fucking annoying emails, Myspace events, and all the other crap that gets on our nerves. In addition, everyone knows the impact it has on the industry, DIY or otherwise. Bands can really only make money now from shows and merchandise. Since, like usual, everyone waited too long to jump on the digital bandwagon, it was impossible to deal with illegal activity by the time they tried. Everyone keeps it going, sending MP3s to friends, swapping CD-Rs, it's never going to end. Plus, digital releases are destroying the aristry of the album. I don't know about you, but nothing really puts the package together for me more than good artwork, layout, information, liner notes, etc. With digital, you don't need much of this. If they're just downloading the song(s), there's no reason to put any effort into the artwork, if you even bother. For shame. I wasn't sure what to have that girl say up there, but I probably shouldn't have given free advertising to those losers. Oh well, there it goes, promotion and a short review all in one.

6. Facebook

Why it rules.

You might be wondering why I put this here and didn't couple it with Myspace. It's simple, it's not as big of a problem. With Facebook, bands or individuals can create 'fan pages' where you can post pictures, learn about upcoming shows, check out vidoes, pretty much whatever the band/musician can supply. It basically works like the friend system on Facebook other than the fact that bands can't add friends; instead they have to be 'liked' by people who use the site. This helps to reduce vanity friend lists and keep the pages more honest (or at least revealing). Most bands use them to spread info about upcoming shows, and it works well, though getting mass emails from French techno showcases is annoying. There's no denying it, when you can post events for free so tons of people all over the world can see it, Facebook makes a great site to use for spreading music.

Why it sucks.

Facebook sucks for several reasons. First off, most bands only have a chance at getting their friends to add them, so it doesn't really provide much exposure if you're a new group. Unless you're well-known, you can't use it to find more fans or get people attracted to your music, unless, that is, you want to pay several hundred dollars for a shitty ad. You can technically suggest a page to friends, but they still have to decide to 'like' it in the first place. Second, anyone who's tried to make a fan page knows the absolute horror of Facebook. There is very little you can do with a page other than adding basic information and pictures like a personal profile. You can't customize it to look cooler, can't add annoying/funny GIFs, you can't do much of anything when it comes down to it. It's kind of like a personal profile being put under house arrest, if that makes any sense. Let me reword it, if you try to use Facebook for a 'fan page', it operates like a personal profile that restricts you to furiously jacking yourself off and hoping other people watch from time to time.

5. Collectives

Why they rule.

If you haven't been to a show run by a collective, make it a point to do it. Collectives are groups that share the DIY ethic. Usually, it's volunteer or they use their own money or acquired funds to put on shows in old warehouses, art spaces, and even homes. Awesome. There's nothing cooler than seeing an insane noise act like Two Dead Sluts One Good Fuck in some guy's basement. If the people running a collective know how to keep it like a business with an almost anarchist attitude, trust me, check out a show. I don't file this under 'venue' because collectives normally have shows at various locations and tend to run more events and special gatherings than shows, though they usually do have a central location. Events usually incorporate art with music, food, you name it. Collectives know how to scrap together the smallest amount of funds to make some of the coolest shows you'll ever see. Who hasn't heard of the glory of organizations like MassArt?

Why they suck.

Collectives can be kind of similar to venues, but there are some differences in suckage. First thing to mention is that sometimes the people running them don't have a fucking clue what they're doing. Poor promotion, no promotion, poor website control, you know the drill. When they get it together, they really get things going, but if you've ever seen a collective that doesn't have direction you know what I'm getting at. There's nothing worse than arriving at a show where two of the six bands show up, one plays for a minute minus three members, and the other plays in their underwear doing random shit while staring at each other and then promptly leaves after playing since there's nothing else to do because the hot dogs sold out before anyone got there when the one artist present trying to sell his Jasper Johns-wannabe junk ate the lot of it in a stupor of depression. That pretty much sums up a bad collective experience.

4. Venues

Why they rule.

Collectives kind of go along with this one since they often run a number of them. However, I did this separately because there are a number of DIY venues run by individuals. DIY venues are often one word, awesome. With generally smaller, more personal crowds, lots of support, and cool locations, some of the best shows occur under the surface in warehouses, basements, and places you wouldn't expect to hear live music. Plus, they're usually quite easy to book. Send an email, tell them what you want, and you can set up shows all across the country. There are sweet resources out there as well, such as, which provides updated listings of DIY venues with contact information and/or website links. These places tend to be great for experimental music, noise, and generally weird stuff. Metal and punk do well too, but the whole indie rock thing doesn't seem to fly, so if that's the kind of thing you do just stay home because no one wants you anyway.

Why they suck.

So yeah, sure, these places can be the shit, but they can also be plain shit. DIY venues are notorious for being owned by people with no idea how to run a business. That might seem kind of against the ethic, but remember, people want to have fun, but they also expect things to be run in a fairly efficient manner. I've heard horror stories from bands about places they book, only to find out when they get there the show wasn't happening after they arrive. Some DIY venue owners are horrible at answering emails, hardly ever have any sort of professional-looking site where you can get a clue what they do, and promote so horribly that if you're a local band even your closest friends won't know you're playing. Keep in mind, DIY venues have no real obligation to go out of their way. If they're cool people and dedicated to music, yeah, but lots of them don't put in the time and energy they need to, thus why these places are often flashes-in-the-pan; here one day and gone as soon as the same day begins. The big problem is the lack of professionalism in many cases and the tendency to be incredibly unstable.

3. Bands

Why they rule.

This one is kind of strange, mainly because most bands don't refer to what they're doing as 'DIY', other than considering themselves part of the movement or are in it by default. Cool thing is you have lots of people getting involved in music that was pretty strange a decade or so ago. Generally any type of genre is covered in the DIY world. Noise rock, a general annoyance to most people in the 80s and 90s, is now headed by bands who pretty much started out playing in their friends' houses. Big names today like Lightning Bolt, Cock ESP and plenty of others are a part of this phenomenon, and today you have tons of people trying to do the same thing. End result? Lots of cool bands playing in awesome locations where small groups of people get together to just enjoy music.

Why they suck.

Unfortunately, with the spreading of stores like Guitar Center, websites like Craigslist and other resources, a "band" is easy to create. That is, in the sense that you can put together a few people and pretend to make music. That's the problem, as the whole 'I can start a band' thing spreads around, there's a lot of filth along for the ride. For every cool band there are usually fifty or so that can suck a dick and do so willingly if you buy their CD-R. And they keep getting lamer. Recently I noticed a metal band who posted on their Myspace status "DIY METAL TIl DEATH!!!!!!!11" That sums it up, lower-case L, ones and all. Not to mention some of these bands think they're a lot cooler than they are, sending their stupid CD-Rs and DIY bullshit colored cassettes to friends so they can "review" them on their blog and get "press", which they promptly post on their Myspace page so you can know how awesome they are until you realize none of it is legit. Unfortunately, lots of bands in the DIY era are all about putting up a front and acting like they're professional or going somewhere. Be honest, please. And can we stop calling the table you use to pile up your unpurchased shit the 'merch table'? Fuck, it makes you sound like a bunch of dorks at GenCon throwing D & D terms around to get dates. Must everything have its own form of geek?

2. Labels

Why they rule.

Along with the bands out there doing the DIY Thing are the labels behind them. It's easy to make your own record label. Most states don't require you to officially register your business unless you gross a couple thousand, and if you're really into being DIY, you keep it under the surface anyway (I'm not telling you to, though). The ease in spreading music through downloads, cassettes, LPs (especially the classic 7"), and CD-Rs has enabled a number of bands to be represented by some pretty cool labels. Some of the most well-known today, in fact, started out as what would be considered a 'DIY label'. Relapse, for example, was started in the Jacobson's parents' basement. Over the years the list of labels has skyrocketed, leading to a proliferation of tons of bands from places you've probably never heard of. With the internet powering their releases and exposure, DIY labels can spread cool stuff fast.

Why they suck.

That's a real fucking label up there, I swear, do as the ad says. Alright, so yeah, DIY labels have it going on, sometimes. You have here pretty much the same problem noted before; the ease in creation. Since anyone can make their own label and release whatever the hell they want, unless you do some hardcore research (and at times that won't even help), you won't know what kind of shit is out there until you waste your time listening to it, and maybe even money. CD-Rs are one thing, you have to put out money to have them made, but even worse are 'Netlabels' that only release their material via download. Now, this can be a good thing, but when you have a thousand of these shitty "labels" to look through carrying awesome material like Danny Tanner and Sperm Swamp, you start to get pretty pissed at the whole thing. It's another issue of sludging up the works with bullshit. Everyone wants to make their mark, and it's possible to do it, but not everyone should be trying. I've noticed this is particularly rampant among all of these newer 'cyber metal' bands. Want to purchase the newest full-length from Cemtery Rapist on his label Fuck the Ass Records? Didn't think so.

1. Myspace

Why it rules.

And here we have the big one, Myspace. Out of anything, Myspace best represents everything the DIY movement stands for, not to mention it encapsulates everything in the list above. Myspace is a totally open resource where you have easy access to free advertising, thousands of bands with music to scan through, videos, labels all over the world, you name it, it's on there if it involves music. Who hasn't used Myspace to listen to a band before purchasing a song or album or before hitting a show? What band hasn't used Myspace to book a venue several states away in areas they're not even familiar with? What label hasn't used Myspace to plaster thousands of pages with blinking, annoying GIF ads that link to their stuff? Simply put, Myspace is probably the single most important mechanism behind DIY music today. It gives countless people access to a lifestyle that a was mostly underground once. Out of anything, Myspace is the single greatest tool in the DIY world and the most expansive method for spreading it.

Why it sucks.

Do I really need to go into detail? Myspace has been a great boon to musicians. However, you've probably noticed the pattern by now. As things get easier for everyone, everyone wants to get involved. Myspace is flooded with thousands of shitty bands, horrible labels, annoying musicians, and so much sub-par bile it nearly negates all the good. Ever get a show notification from a fucking band in South Africa you don't remember friending? Ever see a band stick a track player in the comments that automatically plays their shitty song, covering over what you came to listen to until you wade through the list so you can shut it off? Myspace might enable people to learn about bands quickly and easily, but it's not so easy to do in the end whenever you have to spend half of your time waiting for tons of unnecessarily large images to load, only to find you're listening to a shitty black metal band from Ohio with some piss-ass name derived from Lord of the Rings who claims to be from Antarctica. So, as a great resource, Myspace is not without problems. It's the singlest greatest reason why underground music has spread so rapidily, but it's also caused tons of charlatans to get involved in it who have no business in the first place. There are so many venues, collectives, labels, bands, etc. with pages, many of which are visited and updated once a year or never checked so an email you sent two years ago gets answered like it was yesterday when you don't have an interest anymore. It's kind of like the interenet in general and the annoyance of free, DIY sites and blogs. Before, when people had to work hard to get things done in any field, it tended to keep most of the fucking morons at bay, but the easier it gets to 'make it on your own' (totally in theory, mind you), the more fucking dick sucks that continue to come out of piles of human waste, pretending they have something important to contribute. Stop.

So that's it, that's all you need to know. The DIY ethic will likely be a permanent part of the industry, until perhaps bands realize that it's pretty much all been done. Maybe then they'll lose interest in being part of the movement, filter away, and leave room for musicians that really matter. I can't help but enjoy being alive during this time in music, but at the same time I remember and experimenced enough of what came before to be saddened by the whole thing. I don't think I'm getting old either and it's one of those 'gold ole' days' phases. Maybe in general the human race has just reached a point where it doesn't really know what to do with itself, so the only thing we can do is, as a friend once said to me, "entertain ourselves until we die" and get involved in it in the process. Let this list serve as my epitaph.

Dark Descent Records to Release TOXAEMIA Discography

Dark Descent Records has just completed a deal to release the complete CD discography from classic Swedeath metallers Toxaemia. Tentatively set for a January/February 2001 release, the CD will contain everything every released by the band, including Kaleidoscopic Lunacy, the Buried to Rot demos and the Beyond the Realm EP (released by Seraphic Decay), as well as previously unreleased material recorded during the Buried to Rot sessions.

In all, 17 songs spanning over 65 minutes of classic-era, skull-crushing Swedish death metal! The material will be sourced off of the original master tapes and remixed/remastered by Dan Swanö at Unisound Studio. The release will also contain a bonus disc which features all of the band's recordings in their original, untouched state.

Toxaemia History (from Toxaemia was formed by longtime friends Pontus Cervin, Emil Norrman and Stevo Bolgakov. In their first lineup, Emil played Guitar and a friend Brun was supposed to play the drums, with Stevo on guitar and Pontus on the bass. It became evident that Brun was not a natural drummer and Emil steeped in to do the drums. Brun took on the vocal role. They called themselves O.S.S Brun was later replaced by Holma, who also wrote the lyrics. At this point the band had various name changes including Mutilator and then Anguish. New material was written and heavy rehearsing began. This led to the recording of a rehearsal tape in September 1989 called Deadly Coronations. After this it was not long before it was agreed that Holma would leave the vocals to Stevo and a new member Linus Olzon was recruited. This line up would become Toxaemia.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

NUCLEAR WAR NOW! Fest VOL. II - Do Not Miss It - For the Love of Satan!

NOVEMBER 19th and 20th 2010
C-Halle, Berlin-Tempelhof, Germany
The Return of darkness and evil...
Last November saw the first ritual desecration of the city of Berlin by the Nuclear War Now! infantry. The first annual NWN! fest summoned together on a single stage a diverse array of metal styles spanning four continents. Just as the NWN! label always seeks to release the most elite practitioners of black, death, and thrash metal and the myriad combinations of those sub-genres, the annual NWN! fest is designed to showcase the most important live performances of bands affiliated with the label. Once again NWN! has allied with Iron Bonehead Productions to invoke yet another diabolical manifestation of evil and destruction that will lay waste to the city of Berlin again in November of 2010. In honor of NWN!’s 10th year of unholy nuclear annihilation, this fest will prove to be imminently superior to 2009’s NWN! fest. The second annual ritual of plague and pestilence will include performances from the following:
Blasphemy (Can) Black Metal Skinheads. Ross Bay Cult Eternal.
Mystifier (Brazil) Brazilian black cult’s first ritual in Europe. The performance will only focus on early material.
Order From Chaos (USA) Undeniably superior metal from the US. Beyond genre categorization. Their only performance in Europe for 2010.
Von Goat (USA) Goat, the mastermind behind Von’s new project of primitive and schizophrenic black metal.
Xibalba (Mexico) Mexican black metal legends with their first appearance in Europe.
Ares Kingdom (USA) Expanding the limits of deathrash.
Bone Awl (USA) Existential anxiety put to music.
Dead Congregation (Greece) Darkest death metal
Blasphemophagher (Italy) Nuclear bestial desecration metal.
Embrace of Thorns (Greece) Ritualistic and occult bestial black metal.
Proclamation (Spain) Tyrants of the Black Omen.
Vanhelgd (Sweden) Dark Swedish death metal
Miasmal (Sweden) Ancient death metal from the grave.
Faustcoven (Norway) Norwegian black doom metal.
Black Witchery (USA) Black Witching Metal
Many fest releases are planned including a LP by Blasphemophagher, 12" EP by Vanhelgd, etc. Stay tuned for more information.
Columbiadamm 13-21
10965 Berlin
46 Euros ($61) for both days per person
PayPal directly to
Recommended hostels in Berlin:
Mercure Hotel Tempelhof Airport:
Hotel Columbia:
Sunshine House Hostel:
Hotel Alt Tempelhof:
Hotel Berliner Bär:
A&O Hostel Ostbahnhof:
Metropol Hostel:
Pension Bolle:
Hotel Transit:
City Pension Sanader:
Berlin Lodge:
Sponsored by Iron Bonehead Productions Germany
For more information contact NWN or IBP at: | |

So there you go. If you are a goat-fucking, sheep molesting, chicken-eating, beer-drinking metalhead and you are in Germany or have the chance to travel to Berlin to witness this true festival of blasphemy, then do not miss it.

Monday, October 4, 2010

BUBONIC BEAR - Philadelphia Uber Sludge Up For Grabs

I wrote a review of Bubonic Bear's split cassette with Holy Dirt - which you can read here - a few weeks back and then I contacted the band asking them if I could post a link to a download for this recording. Unsurprisingly, they said yesssssss!!!!

Actually, this great Philadelphia band has every recording they've made up for free download directly from their MySpace page. I urge you, I fucking implore you to go there, copy and paste the Mediafire address into your browser and to let their sound bring you to your knees.

The case of Bubonic Bear is one of those not so strange occurrences, where either the talent has gone unnoticed by the deaf media or these boys just want to stay independent. I do not know, but I have heard a lot worse shit getting issued through some serious labels. The download link below only includes the Bubonic Bear half. I am not even sure if there are any tapes left, but if interested, you might want to check out with the charming folks over at Sloth Tapes here....

((Let This Beast Bite You))

BASTARDOS - Argentine Thrash Metal for Free

God damn Argentina I love your sausage. And your skirt steak. And whatever that fuck it is that well-sliced cows are made of. I do not know what is it that you feed those mammals but everytime I try some of that delish meat at the Argentinean grill by my house I feel like moving to Buenos Aires and exchanging my thrash metal jeans for some elastic-waist shorts. This way, as I get fat from eating so much steak I would not feel the guilt bulging up my stomach.

And I love the way your players move their feet. They are magicians of the soccer ball, wicked humans of the greatest, grandest, most popular sport in the motherfucking world. And in Latin America, your pop rock rules. At least it did in the 80's. Mexicans have great tacos but no one eats tacos in South America. No, because in South America people eat meat. Lots of meat and far less cheese and beans. And in South America people eat real ceviche and shit. But if you feel like meat, you might hit either a Brazilian grill for some obscene amounts of food via rodizio or an Argentinean steak house. But yeah, as I was saying, Mexican pop sucks chupacabra balls but Argentinean pop was kinda cool. It ruled for a little bit.

And metal-speaking, well there were a couple of chilean bands in the 90's that did OK, which some Americans may feel are interchangeable for Argentinean bands because in American schools they lost their maps of way the fuck down south of the border. There was Pentagram in the 80's, who just played some shows in England and then there was Atomic Aggressor and Sadism, and to the right, which is Argentina, there was Vibrion and in the 80's there was Hermetica and V8 and a few others. Rata Blanca was a bit too on the cheesy side and I tend to not fuck with that.

Anyway, Bastardos come from Buenos Aires, which some people say is the Paris of South America and which my girlfriend confirmed as she was visiting a few weeks back. By the way, she scored a couple of Pappo's Blues vinyl records. I nearly cried when I saw them. Beautiful music. So yeah, there was metal and there was good Argentinean extreme metal and then in the 70's there was Pappo's Blues, the hardest working most badass guitarist to ever come out of the region.  Back to Bastardos - oh yeah, they play thrash. Plain and simple, and I say that because they play it plain and also simple. Also, they are looking for a drummer so if anyone feels like moving to Buenos Aires to hang out among beuatiful women, awesome steaks, good pasta and a-ok thrash metal, you might want to give these boys a try.

After downloading their three-song recording pay them a visit below