Tuesday, October 26, 2010

DEAF SPARROW ZINE Endorses INSANITY Hot Sauce

I would like to take a few seconds to endorse this amazing sauce. The first time I tried it, this criminal that my cousin was dating brought it to the house. I think he was trying to poison us or something. I, very macho like, poured like half a bottle onto my arroz con pollo and next thing I knew I was puking in the restroom.

Don't get me wrong, the sauce is delicious. Absolutely magnificent. Fanatics of extreme sensations will love Insanity. Lovers of spicy foods can extract all flavors of their chimichangas and intract (i don't think that's a word) the tastiest most powerful hot sauce this stomach can stomach. Pussies, stay the fuck away!

A few weeks ago I was spending a boring Sunday morning at some redneck-infested flea market when I ran into it. Literally, I hit my head against a rack displaying hot sauces from all corners of the world.  When I saw the bottle, the surreal orange sauce, the red pepper all cool chillin' in the sun, all those memories came back to me. My reddened face, the gag reflex, the clean water toilet turning green from the arroz con pollo, tears and hot sweat. The fucker at the flea market was selling it for $8. I obliged.

Just last week I was shopping at Wal-Mart. I don't usually frequent such places, but they just opened a store by the house and someone told me that their chorizo prices are unbeatable. The sign is different. It is green and it actually reads 'neighborhood market' like it is run a by a mustachoed dude out of his bedroom. The inside is the same; spacious aisles, expired bakery products, foreign fruits, and lots of fat people working unhappily. 

Anyway, while looking for a new flavor of Tabasco I found Insanity. The price? $3.50. I was pissed. The fucking redneck at the flea market ripped me off. Like Insanity was some sort of specialty. It is not. they sell it at Wal-Mart.

Now I eat Insanity every day. I add it to everything that is not sweet. Rice. Soup. Hot dogs. JalapeƱos.  Steak. I even pour it on top of Tabasco sauce. Insanity makes all your foods taste better. If by better you mean no flavor but a scorching hot sensation, peeling the roof of your mouth and making your asshole bleed. But it is delicious.

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